Senator Bernardi's New Book Struck A Nerve And These Satirical Reviews May Start An Online War

The revolution will not be Twitterised: Senator Bernardi’s new book has launched an online war.

Controversial Liberal Senator Cory Bernardi knows how to generate a headline.

His new book, The Conservative Revolution, was released to little fanfare on November 1 but provoked a predictable backlash when ABC political journalist Latika Bourke detailed how it “rails against non-traditional families, surrogacy and euthanasia” yesterday.

Senator Bernardi’s outspoken views have landed him in hot water before. In 2012, he resigned from his position as then-Opposition leader Tony Abbott’s parliamentary secretary after linking gay marriage to bestiality.

While thousands of words and column inches in today’s newspapers are devoted to blowback against Senator Bernardi’s new tome, other critics have raided the website in the last 24 hours, opting for humour as the best form of attack, posting more than 100 satirical reviews of the new book, harnessing the power of social media and crowd-sourced reviewing and giving the book one star.

The author and his book are described thus on Amazon: “An unapologetic advocate for mainstream values, Cory Bernardi presents a bold vision for a stronger nation that is founded on conservative principles. He takes the fight to the political left and calls for an overturning of the existing moral relativism that threatens Australia’s way of life.”

Expect the Senator’s supporters to rally a defence in the online wars in the coming days.

Meanwhile, here’s a selection of excerpts from the “reviews”:

Donna Confetti:

“If I had hoped for a fun, page-turning revolutionary adventure into worlds away from the dreary struggles of my own rag-tag family, I would have been sadly disappointed. But all I expected from Cory Bernardi was delivered in the priceless response of the kids when I selected this as our bedtime story. They promised to be good tomorrow if I read them only the references section. Popped off to sleep in no time! Win win. We are definitely a better family because of this book.”

Dickensian Villain:

“I applaud Mr Bernadi for taking on those wretched poor children freeloading on their red cross provided breakfasts. My only complaint is that he should advocate for them to be sent to workhouses. I am yet to try his smoothie recipe of blended families.”


“There may not be a solution to all society’s woes in this book, but I think we have found a solution to our solar energy problems. “Mr” Bernardi just needs to bend over and let that sun shine out.”


“Back in my day, when I had to push my bicycle seventeen kilometres to school just to get my backside paddled because I didn’t have enough air in my lungs to blow up the tyres, we knew how to plan a revolution. We didn’t complain about the lefties drinking lattes. Hell, we didn’t even have lattes. We had to make do with instant. INSTANT COFFEE PEOPLE! This book tastes very similar to instant coffee, actually…sour, bitter, flat and colourless. Imbibe at your own risk.”

Dorothy Parker:

“This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. Will be a welcome addition to any bookstore’s remainder bin.”

Amazon Customer:

“Cory Bernadi is a giant of a fish in the tiny pond we call Australia. He is single-handedly responsible for numerous Australian achievements, from the stump-jump plough and Hill’s hoist (mistakenly named after a neighbour) to the recent 5-0 defeat of England in the Ashes test series.”


“I think everyone’s got it seriously wrong here. Ignore the one star reviews; they’re bitter, jealous people who clearly don’t have proper reading comprehension skills.
Where some people see the ‘bitter’ writings of an ‘insane reactionary’, I see a heartfelt longing for a better world, a world unencumbered by ‘facts’, ‘other slightly different people’ or ‘reality’. Is that such a bad thing? Is it a crime to merely want a life in which everyone thinks, looks and acts like you?”

Tim Bell:

“As I confessed at the start, I haven’t actually bought this book, so I just have to assume that it’s printed on the same kind of paper that most paperbacks are printed on. If you’re like me, and have occasionally wiped your nether regions with a sheet of an old Agatha Christie murder mystery, or maybe a Deepak Chopra self-help title, you know that it’s a poor substitute for a good-quality piece of toilet tissue.”

Dan Smith:

“Chapter 4: The New, Clear Family – Having solved the world’s problems writ large, our fearless scribe turns his considerable powers of crayon-rendering to the troublesome household issue of Families That Don’t Look Like Cory’s. Shake your head in amazement as Cory recounts the tale of how he single-handedly impounded all cars in South Australia which didn’t have any 30-55 year old blokes displayed prominently on their My Family stickers.”

Angry of Mayfair:

“Amazon suggested that I buy this based on my earlier purchases of an Atlas Shrugged audio book and Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will on VHS cassette, but frankly Cory Bernardi’s vision for society sounds a little far fetched to me.”

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