Photo: IvyGate via @FelixSalmon
Shortly after news broke that Dartmouth president Jim Kim was Obama’s pick for head of the World Bank, Kim sent an email to the entire Dartmouth community.Of course, college kids being college kids, it was only a matter of time before the letter was soundly mocked.
The Dunyun, which is basically Dartmouth’s version of The Onion, just posted this version of Kim’s email, complete with snarky commentary. It’s pretty hilarious. (The Dunyun’s additions are in brackets).
To the Dartmouth Community,
[Sorry it took me over a month to write you about a campus-wide hazing scandal but less than an hour to tell you about my sick new job offer.] I write to share the news that President Barack Obama [ever heard of him?] has asked me to stand for nomination as president of the World Bank. This is one of the most critical institutions fighting poverty [you know, that shit DDS workers complain about] and providing assistance to developing countries in the world today [plus great photo ops with starving children :)]. After much reflection [repeatedly introducing myself in front of the mirror as president of the World Bank], I have accepted this nomination to national and global service.
When I assumed the presidency of Dartmouth, I did so with the full and deep belief that the mission of higher education is to prepare us for lives of leadership and service in our professions and communities [You may think I’ve used Dartmouth as a stepping stone, but we all know the point of Dartmouth is getting a sick banking job afterwards, don’t hate because mine is better]. While President Obama’s call is compelling, the prospect of leaving Dartmouth at this stage is very difficult [difficult to decide which shade of white I want my new business cards in, leaning towards eggshell]. Nevertheless, should the World Bank’s Board of Executive Directors elect me as the next president, I will embrace the responsibility.
As Chair of the Dartmouth Board of Trustees Steve [what’s his name, fuck it] Something ’78 and I have discussed, if I am elected, our Board will take appropriate steps to ensure continuity of leadership and determine the timing of a search [They will also update their search procedures, adding the question, “do you actually want to be president of Dartmouth College?”]. For now, I remain president of Dartmouth [senior spring bitches!]. Steve and I will keep you informed of the nominating process and timing of a final decision by the World Bank next month [you could also probably read about it in a White House press release, The Wall Street Journal, The Boston Globe, The Economist, The New York Times, and fuck it, maybe even Yahoo! News, I don’t know.]
Jim Yong Kim
[President Dr.] President, Dartmouth College
We also hear that some people on campus are thrilled with Kim’s nomination, while this letter pretty much sums up the feelings of others.
Here’s our 90-second guide to who Jim Kim is, why he’s been nominated, what it all means, and why people are calling him a rapping space man: