Karamo Brown shares the powerful sentence he uses to ask for help: ‘I need you to love me a little louder today’

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Karamo Brown is the culture expert on ‘Queer Eye.’ Getty/Rich Polk
  • Karamo Brown told Insider the phrase he always uses to reach out for support from his friends and family.
  • “I need you to love me a little louder today,” is the “Queer Eye” culture expert’s go-to.
  • It’s particularly useful for people who are considered the “strong one” in their friendship group.
  • “I say that all the time. It’s not an offensive way of saying, ‘Hey, look at me, focus on me. I need it,'” Brown said.
  • Visit Insider’s homepage for more stories.

As someone who is the “strong one” in many of his relationships, Karamo Brown knows how hard it can be to admit you need support.

But there’s one sentence he always uses, and recommends others use, to reach out and ask for help: “I need you to love me a little louder today.”

The “Queer Eye” culture expert told Insider that it’s the perfect phrase to convey that you’re struggling and need to be cared for, without sounding rude or demanding.

Your happiness is non-negotiable

Brown says he’s realised that as important it is to look after others, it’s crucial to look after yourself too.

“The most important thing I’ve learned is that my happiness is non-negotiable and I think that’s something that sometimes as career people, as parents, as care-givers, as the strong people in our friendship groups, we can sacrifice our own happiness because of the desire to support others,” Brown said. “Putting yourself second doesn’t make you a hero. It just makes you second in your own life.”

He continued: “It’s so important to make sure that as you support others, you also think about how you can support yourself. I’m a big believer in giving kindness to others, but as much as you do that, give a piece of that back to yourself every single day.”

‘Strong’ people need support too

If you’re someone who is used to being a rock of support to those in your life, it can be hard to admit that there are times when you’re the one who needs lifting up, but it’s important to do so.

“I’m that strong person in my friendship group,” Brown said. “Luckily in my job, we’re all those strong people for each other, so it’s nice at work, but in my regular life and my family, I’m that person. And one of the things I use as a technique to encourage people to check on me — and to encourage people to check on other strong people in their life — is I say, ‘I need you to love me a little louder today.'”

The sentence is so powerful because its meaning is clear.

“That is a clear statement that I make to people to say, ‘Listen, right now I might be strong, and I might not be facing the challenges you’re facing — and I’m not trying to compare our challenges — but I do need you to say you appreciate me and you love me. I need you to love me a little louder today,'” Brown said.

It’s not rude, but it sends the message that your friend needs to vocalize how much they appreciate you.

“I say that all the time,” he said. “It’s not an offensive way of saying, ‘Hey, look at me, focus on me. I need it.'”

If not everyone in your life can step up for you when you need it, Brown says it’s OK to let those friendships go.

“It’s OK to give yourself permission to say, ‘I don’t need all these people,'” he said. “I only need the ones who I know are going to love me louder and be in my life for the positive days.”

Being able to ask for help is an essential part of achieving your goals

Whether your goals are related to your career, fitness, or anything else, Brown says your chances of achieving them increase massively if you know when to ask for help, and do so.

“Ask for help along your journey because there are going to be roadblocks where you feel like you can’t do it. And if you stay in your own mind and internalize your concerns, you’ll fail,” he said. “So ask for help, and know that people want to support you.”

Brown’s final words of wisdom for reaching your goals?

“If you can stop comparing yourself, and be patient, you’re gonna accomplish anything you want, baby.”

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