JP MORGAN: Here's some 'ammunition' for your next dinner party

MetallicaGettyMetallica is here for your awkward family conversations.

The year on Wall Street is winding down, and after next week’s Federal Reserve meeting, everything in markets will basically come to a standstill.

As a result, strategists let their hair down around this time of year, which is when JP Morgan Asset Management puts out its slightly off-beat note to clients.

Michael Cembalest, chairman of market and investment strategy at JPMorgan Asset Management, advises clients in this year’s edition on how exactly to fire back when that family member or friend says something political, and most likely, outrageously offensive to you.

For example, if you’re conservative, and your liberal guest bring up the Affordable Care Act, known as Obamacare, you can tell them that spending on infrastructure, clean energy, and education is declining due to the rise in entitlements.

Or, when a debate about higher personal taxes starts, argue that the US tax code is the most progressive it’s been since 1955. And definitely mention that US corporate tax rates are the highest in the OECD.

When conservative guests justify the war in Iraq, liberals should remind them that a whole generation of college students could have been educated with what was spent.

Cembalest goes on. The whole thing is here.

But before you even need to get to any of these, Cembalest’s quick, easy strategy for smoothly navigating the waters of contentious friends and family is all about music:

If dinner table discussions become too contentious, put on some music that progressives and conservatives enjoy equally, according to Facebook’s Data Sciences group. Instead of the polarising sounds of Beyoncé, Bob Marley and Neil Young on one side, and George Strait, Hank Williams Jr and the Zac Brown Band on the other, here are some artists that both groups like: Metallica, Taylor Swift, Aerosmith and Elvis.

We’re not sure that everyone loves Metallica, or in what ways Beyoncé has ripped America apart. It’s also not clear that the music you like is in any way connected to your political affiliation.

Either way.

Happy holidays!

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