Jon Stewart needs a hand. Or rather, a penis.
The Daily Show host, tired of talking about Anthony Weiner‘s wenis, used a circular board with a dildo affixed to it to decide the night’s topics. You know, a Cock-Blocked Roundup.
“Less you think me crass, this is the exact rubber penis wheel Edward R. Murrow used,” he said. “I don’t know if you know this, Murrow’s original signoff phrase was ‘good night and good lick.'”
The first choice: Yemen.
“Wait, we’re bombing Yemen now too? I guess that explains the President’s new banner ‘Mission Expanded.'”
Yemen’s depressing. How are things in Syria?
Well President Assad is granting amenesty. Sort of. Those protestors arrested and sentenced to life in prison will now only need to serve 20 years. A death sentence is reduced to life in prison.
Back to the drawing board. Or dildo board, as the case may be.
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