John Oliver is not a fan of April Fool’s Day.
During a “Last Week Tonight” web exclusive video, Oliver addressed the troublesome day devoted to pranks.
Oliver opened the segment by saying, “I’d like to talk about a serious problem — April Fool’s Day.”
“April Fool’s Day is to comedy as Saint Patrick’s Day is to Irish culture. That is to say it is a mockery of the very concept that usually ends in a fist fight.
You may not know that April Fool’s Day was actually invented by FDR in 1934 as a way to raise national morale during the great depression.”
“April Fool’s! That’s not true at all, I made it up! You trusted me and I betrayed that trust. I betrayed you! Isn’t betrayal fun? That felt bad, didn’t it?”
“Well now, I want you to sit in that terrible feeling for a moment. Because you may be laughing on the outside, but on the inside, admit it, you were sad.
First of all, welcome to my brain. Second of all, I’m sorry I did that to you, that was a prank and pranks are terrible. Anyone who claims to be excited for April Fool’s Day is probably a sociopath, because what they’re really saying is, ‘I cannot wait to hurt the people close to me.’
And if you want to break your family’s hearts, don’t play a mean trick on them, just ask them for money for another improv class. You can do that any time of year and you will shatter them. Not to mention, we don’t need a special holiday to disappoint our loved ones, we do that enough on every other holiday by accident.
OK Nana, when are you going to yell ‘Christmas Fool’s and give me my real present?!’ This sweater is an abomination.”
“But that being said, I want to help you have the best April Fool’s Day ever. So close your eyes right now–do it, close them–and visualise the greatest practical joke you can possibly imagine.
And now, never do that thing you thought of… EVER. Don’t even tell anyone you though of it, they will think you’re a monster. In fact, let’s do this properly. Everyone watching this, please raise your right hand and take the ‘Last Week Tonight’ No-Prank Pledge.”
“Thank you very much for taking the No-Prank Pledge, hopefully with your support we can restore the original meaning of April 1–the day we look at our calendars and think: ‘Oh sh–, I really have to do my taxes!'”
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