Italy's Biggest Problem Is That Is Doesn't Have Any Political Parties

Silvio Berlusconi Face

Photo: AP

Italy’s biggest problem is now clear, and it’s likely to remain Italy’s biggest problem for some time to come – the country has no politicians.Finally, I’ve cracked it.  I’ve understood what Italy biggest problem is, and no, it’s not Silvio Berlusconi, in case you were wondering.

Italy’s biggest problem is that it has no political parties, and, therefore, no leadership.  Yes, it has lots and lots of people who call themselves politicians, but it has no political parties, nor leaders.  Ah, you may utter, but doesn’t it have lots of funny little political parties, some with similar sounding names, such as PdL and PD?  And what about the UDC and the IdV and all the rest?  Aren’t they political parties?  The answer is no, they aren’t.  They are merely clubs, and their members move from one little club to the next at the blink of an eye.  In actual fact, Italian club members will hop from one club to another and then back again, once, twice, or more, during their seemingly endless club careers.

Actually, calling the members of Italy’s so-called political parties politicians is something of an exaggeration, in that politicians are supposed to govern.  Italy’s club members don’t seem to know what the word govern means, or conveniently forgot, long, long ago, that governing is what they are supposed to do.  Indeed, the club members who pretend to be politicians make such a pig’s ear out of running Italy that from time to time technocratic governments are called in to attempt to sort out the mess made by the so-called politicians who are in reality club members.  Indeed, the mess left by club president Silvio Berlusconi, the businessman who played something approaching a politician for a good few years, mainly to keep himself out of prison, left Italy in such an appalling state everybody, with the possible exception of Italy’s mainstream club members, agreed that Mario Monti needed to be brought in to do the things Italy’s club members were unable to do.

At the end of the day, the simple truth is that Italy has never had any political parties, even if the clubs which pretend to be political parties have held more than a few parties.  The club presided over by one Silvio Berlsuconi, for example, has a reputation for holding really wild parties.  Local political club members down in Sicily used tax payer money to finance their bashes – lots of money.

As for the club run by Berlusconi, one day it is called the PdL, the next it’s called Forza Italia, and then it isn’t.  Even the club members have become exceedingly confused.

On paper the PdL club, or whatever it might end up being called, is supposed to represent Italy’s right.  In truth, while the PdL club pretends to represent right-leaning Italians, it tends to represent little more than the interests of its president, one Silvio Berlusconi, and that’s about it.  The PdL is little more than a fan club.  There is, however, some confusion as to who is the PdL club chairman.  Is it a guy called Alfano?  Or is it the club founder, Silvio Berlusconi?  Who knows?  Not even the members of the club seem to know who runs the show nowadays.  PdL club president designate, one angelic Angelino Alfano, was nominated future club leader by former club president Berlusconi, then Berlusconi whipped the chairman’s chair from under the posterior of poor Alfano.  Being a subservient little chap, Alfano was more than happy for Silvio to pinch his, designated, seat.  Alfano is still all smiles over the chair pulling affair.  It’s almost as if the poor chap is happy he did not become club president.  As for who will become club president, well, that is still not really known.  rumours flying around suggest Silvio Berlusconi is on the look out for a new president.  A double snub for that poor Alfano fellow who has gone from being a nobody, to an almost somebody and then back to nobody in the space of a few weeks.

Such confusing goings on could only occur in a club, not in a political party, as I’m sure you will agree.

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