- Relationships can be difficult and although having some issues is normal, there are some red flags to look out for that could mean the end of your relationship.
- If you no longer laugh with your partner and don’t prioritise them, the relationship might be doomed.
- Here’s how to know your relationship might not be salvageable, according to relationship experts.
It’s difficult to truly know when your relationship is already on its way out the door, or worth salvaging. There are, however, certain signs that it’s probably the former.
INSIDER spoke with relationship expert and matchmaker, Sonya Kreizman, and best-selling author and relationship expert, Susan Winter, to find out signs from the experts themselves that your relationship is basically over.
You don’t laugh anymore.
If the happiness is draining from your relationship, you really start to feel it. “If you’ve come to notice that you no longer laugh as you used to and there seems to be very little joy in the relationship, it’s not a good sign. As a couple, your emotional life has flatlined,” said Winter.
You’re seeing what else is out there.
Maybe a little curiosity is normal at times when things start to get a little stagnant, but there’s a certain point where it’s a cause for concern, according to Winter, “when you can no longer deny that other people are looking good to you. The thought of being with someone new is an exciting concept. Though there’s a tinge of guilt, your interest in others has become a regular occurrence.”
Even going as far as to explore those interests is a clear sign something is wrong. “If you are looking around on dating apps or elsewhere for meaningful connections or for someone to understand you, it’s a sign the relationship is pretty much over,” according to Kreizman.
There’s no effort being put into the relationship or its future.
This can show up in a number of different ways, unfortunately, during different stages of the relationship.
“When either partner begins to plan future events without sharing these plans with the significant other, things aren’t looking good,” explained Kreizman. “For example, I once had a boyfriend whom I was living with who decided to move to another state without telling me. He first told his business partners and then I found out later as we were breaking up.” According to Kreizman, it’s also a giant red flag if you stop talking about future plans like moving in, marriage, and kids and if one person is seeking help through counseling and the other refuses to go.
Winter explains that it’s a bad sign if “no matter how hard you’ve tried, you can’t seem to reignite the passion and interest they once had in the person and the relationship.”
If you’re no longer a priority in their life.
“If it feels like your mate values everyone and everything over you and they don’t make the time for the things that are important to you, despite your efforts in effective communication, that’s a huge issue,” said Winters. You want to feel loved and appreciated, and although it’s healthy to have some space and alone time, when it becomes avoiding each other that’s obviously not good.
According to Kreizman, it becomes troublesome if you and your significant other begin to develop separate social lives or you’re staying at work late to avoid uneasy feelings at home.
Disagreements completely stop.
“Co-existing is a silent killer,” said Kreizman. “When both of you become indifferent and agreeable instead of fighting with passion for what you believe should change in the relationship, it’s a sign the relationship might be heading towards its end.”
You might think no arguing at all is a good sign, but the reality is some small disagreements help you grow as a couple, making you both happier in the relationship in the long run.
You just feel alone, even around your partner.
If you’re not feeling supported or loved, it can deeply impact how you’re feeling in your relationship. “If you feel alone even when you are together and you feel like your partner doesn’t have your back, it’s incredibly lonely,” said Kreizman.
Sometimes it’s lonelier in the wrong relationship than it is being single.
In your heart of hearts, you know it’s over.
This is a tough one. When you’ve invested years of your life into trying to make something work and you start to realise it just isn’t, it can be a hard pill to swallow. “You’ve tried to push aside the truth for far too long and now, you can no longer live in denial,” explains Winter.
According to Kreizman, “if your instinct or gut keeps you feeling worried, it’s a huge sign that something is up and needs to be dealt with by getting out of this negative mental space.” Although it’s a difficult decision to make, you just know inside when it’s not good situation anymore and you’re no longer happy with this person.
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