- Bride-to-be Lisa Torres created a letter of mandatory bridesmaid expectations that went viral on TikTok.
- She shared the full letter with Insider, and it includes a budget, timeline, and FAQ.
- Torres wishes she fleshed out her timeline more, but overall had great reactions to her creation.
- Visit Insider’s homepage for more stories.
Bride-to-be Lisa Torres went viral on TikTok after talking about the detailed letter of mandatory wedding commitments she gave to each of her bridesmaids.
Now, Torres is sharing her letter in full, plus the changes she’d make to the document if she did it all over again, in the hopes of helping other brides have a more seamless wedding experience.
In the June 6 TikTok, Torres, a 29-year-old from San Antonio, Texas, explained that she presented each of her prospective bridesmaids with the two-page letter along with a box of goodies when she asked them to be in her wedding.
The reaction was positive, but Torres told Insider, if she did it again, the document would be even more detailed.
Torres says all brides should be upfront about their expectations
Torres told Insider she created the document after experiencing miscommunication as a bridesmaid herself, and hearing similar stories from her friends.
“Whenever I was listening to their complaints, it really seemed to stem from a lack of clarity from the beginning.”
But presenting the documents to each of her friends was a nerve-wracking experience because she had no clue how they’d react.
Once she handed over the list of expectations, Torres knew she made the right decision.
“Whenever they opened it, they were like, ‘Wow, this is like, this is really good,'” said Torres.
Inside Torres’ guide, from dress code to FAQs
The document opens with a blurb about why Torres created it in the first place, followed by expected costs, time commitments, and a frequently asked questions section.
Torres used Google in addition to speaking with friends about their experiences to craft the outline.
While researching she came across points she hadn’t previously considered, like if the bridal party will sit together at the reception, and if they needed to change their appearance for the wedding.
“I was just really surprised that bridesmaids should ask, ‘Hey, do you want me to dye my hair? Do you want me to not be pregnant?’ I was just really taken aback by that,” said Torres.
“No, that’s weird,” she told them.
Above all, she wanted to be honest about bridal party expenses
For Torres, the cost breakdown was the most important part of the document because she didn’t want to put any of her friends in financially stressful situations.
She explained that bridesmaids were responsible for buying their own dresses in a dusty rose color, but they could choose any style. Torres also broke down bachelorette party and travel costs, and said that bridal party members wouldn’t pay for a bridal shower.
If she started over, Torres would add more points
In retrospect, Torres said she would have added more on budgeting, bridal party responsibilities, and the events timeline.
“I wish I would have added, ‘If you want to be a bridesmaid, but think you can’t because of time commitment or money commitment, let me know and we’ll work something out,'” she said.
But Torres had a tight 24 hours to make it so she could present it to her best friend who was visiting last-minute. That meant more granular details, like a timeline of wedding-related events, didn’t make the cut.
Still, Torres found the document prevented tensions among friends, and said her TikTok followers agree.
“There’s people [in the TikTok comments] arguing about wedding customs. And I think they’re so close to the point, like people expect different things, which might be because they have different customs across religions and cultures,” said Torres. “But because of those differences, that’s why the transparency letter is a good idea.”