19 Embarrassing Emails, IMs, And Conversations That Wall Street Wishes Were Never Made Public

Danielle Chiesi

Photo: AP

No matter how many times embarrassing Wall Street emails, conversations or tirades get made public, it never seems to stop.Just this week, we had the Standard & Poor’s analysts’ emails and IM conversations released by the Justice Department in its $5 billion complaint against the credit ratings agency. We also had a treasure trove of IMs between traders trying to fix LIBOR

So we’ve decided to compile a rundown of Wall Street’s most embarrassing words they probably wish were never made public.

'im like a whores drawers.'

'Done...for you big boy'

'Let's hope we are all wealthy and retired by the time this house of card falters.'

This was an email sent by a Standard & Poors employee prior to the financial crisis.

'Rating agencies continue to create an even bigger monster -- the CDO market.'

'Let's hope we are all wealthy and retired by the time this house of card falters.'

Source: Dealbook

'It could be structured by cows and we would rate it.'

Here's an instant message from an employee at S&P before the housing market crashed.

'We rate every deal. It could be structured by cows and we would rate it.'

Source: Dealbook

'Huge delinquencies hit it now Two-thousand-and-six-vintage Bringing down the house'

According to the government's complaint against S&P, an analyst wrote a song about the U.S. mortgage market to the tune of Talking Heads 'Burning Down The House.'

'Watch out
Housing market went softer
Cooling down
Strong market is now much weaker
Subprime is boi-ling o-ver
Bringing down the house

Hold tight
CDO biz -- has a bother
Hold tight
Leveraged CDOs they were after
Going -- all the way down, with
Subprime mortgages

Ownit
Hey you need a downgrade now
Free-mont
Huge delinquencies hit it now
Two-thousand-and-six-vintage
Bringing down the house.'

'The BRos always wins!!'

Back in 2007, then-CEO of Lehman Brother's Dick Fuld sent an email response to the bank's now former chief strategy officer David Goldfarb back in September 2007 where he sounded like a total frat boy.

Fuld, 'I agree we need some help-but the BRos always wins!!'

Of course, we all know what happened to 'the BRos.'

'Do we have the balls...?'

In 2007, an email was sent to some Lehman Brothers' managing directors about a Bloomberg article on Bank of America's CEO Ken Lewis saying a credit bubble was about to burst.

To which Ian Lowitt (who later become Lehman's finance chief in 2008) responded: 'Do we have the balls to be the ones who pull back first to lead the market??'

Source: Jenner & Co.

'I'm managed (sic) to sell a few abacus bonds to widow and orphans that I ran into at the airport...'

And how about the personal messages Tourre sent to his girlfriend, Marine Serres?

'Just made it to the country of your favourite clients!!! I'm managed (sic) to sell a few abacus bonds to widow and orphans that I ran into at the airport, apparently these Belgians adore synthetic abs cdo2.'

Source: Reuters

Lehman allegedly called some of its bad assets 'goat poo' in emails.

Last year, JPMorgan Chase used some embarrassing emails in a counter suit filed against Lehman Brothers.

According to the lawsuit, JPMorgan claims that some Lehman and Barclays employees deceived the bank with bad assets that they were describing as 'toxic waste' and 'goat poo' in emails.

Who says that?

Source: Reuters

And Bear Stearns allegedly called them a 'SACK OF S***' and a 's*** breather'

The Bear Stearns unit the JPMorgan took over during the height of the financial crisis allegedly referred one of the RMBS securitizations as a 'SACK OF S***' and a 's*** breather', according to a complaint filed by NY Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.

Source: complaint via Thompson Reuters

'You f---ing Americans'

'The subprime market looks pretty damn ugly...' but 'we're very comfortable with exactly where we are.'

Former pageant beauty queen turned stock analyst Danielle Chiesi, who pleaded guilty to participating in the Galleon insider trading scheme orchestrated by Raj Rajaratnam, was told not to put anything in email, according to Fortune.

Still, that didn't stop her from saying a bunch of embarrassing things that ultimately became public during the trial.

Here's one little snippet from the secret phone recordings prosecutors used:

'Do you think in this environment, I know everyone's being investigated, do you think I could buy it here? Honestly? I'm glad we're on a secure line. I appreciate that. What do you think I should really...Should I buy here? I'm a little nervous because people are going to investigate me. I really believe that. Because there are a**holes in this world. Every hedge fund is going to go out of business. And they're jealous.'

Source: DealBook

'Jewish shopkeeper'

According to the New York Post, UBS's Carsten Kengeter was dining with a bunch of senior level bankers in New York in the fall of 2011 when he made comment about how UBS needs to cut costs like a 'Jewish shopkeeper.'

Sources told the Post he apologized weeks later.

Source: New York Post

'Chinese f-------g animals.'

Olivier Desbarres, the now ex-director/head of Asia FX strategy at Barclays Capital in Singapore, was caught on a cell phone camera going on an absolutely nasty tirade against construction workers.

In the video, Desbarres calls the workers 'Chinese f------g animals' and threatens to burn their truck down. He's also seen tossing a large piece of zinc into the construction area.

'ReUnion is not strict on IDs so if you have a fake you will be fine. If you don't have an ID… get one!'

In the summer of 2011, a JPMorgan Chase intern sent out the following email from his work account to hundreds of other employees advocating the use of fake IDs. (emphasis his)

What's up guys,

So tonight is going to be wild… ReUnion Bar on 17th and Park Ave @ 10pm. We already have 100+ JPMC interns who accepted the invite, so tonight will be a great opportunity to check out everyone and have an awesome time.

ReUnion is not strict on IDs so if you have a fake you will be fine. If you don't have an ID… get one! Sorry about that, I will push for black 'X's' next time so those without IDs can come hangout, since I want you all to have a great time this summer.

Don't miss out! Tell everyone, it's going to get wild.

Source: Dealbreaker

'I'm doing God's work.'

In an interview in 2009, Goldman's CEO Lloyd Blankfein said as a banker 'I'm doing God's work.'

The comment spurred a great deal of criticism, but it was meant as a joke.

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