If You Talk Like A Pirate Today, Don't. Plus, More Moronic 'Days' That Have To Stop

Photo: Getty/Jed Jacobsohn

If you have spoken like a pirate for more than one sentence today, then stop.

Sometimes the strength of an idea lies in the concept, rather than in its application.

Putting more than a token effort towards impersonating a scallywag from the golden age of sea crime is one of them.

Let’s get this straight: We’re not anti-fun. But you’re not Captain Jack Sparrow.

Any “day” that provides an escape from the corporate drudgery, the sameness and stress of a modern working life, is a good thing.

As is anything that that raises awareness for a worthy cause.

The actual act of talking to someone pretending to be a pirate for an entire day is not. That’s annoying.

The emergence of days-for-every-imaginable-cause is a modern phenomenon that threatens to dilute the meaning of days that should be important in the calendar.

When I was at lunch a few days ago, someone asked the waiter how his day was going.

Not good, he replied. But he also said his wife was a nurse in a children’s hospital, and that he knew if he needed a reality check he could just tell her that.

If you have a white-collar job there has almost certainly been a time when you’ve fumed over something which in the scheme of things is meaningless, and maybe getting worked up about pirate accents is one of those things.

But this does not make talking like a pirate any less of a bad idea.

It’s like roller blading: There’s no way to look good doing it.

Some people might not care. That would be an amazing personality trait, and one to be admired. It’s also one nine-out-of-ten people don’t possess.

So, in honour of Pirate Day, here are some other theme dates that sane people should ignore or stop celebrating.

Star Wars Day

Star Wars DayPicture: MTV Geek News

The trouble with puns is they tend to work only once, when they are original.

If you’re going around saying to people “May the fourth be with you” on 04/05 next year, think about other ways to show your Star Wars fandom without saying a lame phrase. Almost everyone’s seen it and those who haven’t should probably give it a try. So have, you know, a conversation about it.

House plant appreciation day

Photo: Getty/Hulton Archive

House plants are great, like those uni-ball pens everyone steals or a coaster. If you feel the need to celebrate them, all the info is here.

Organise your home office day

Clutter is bad, especially when it invades the home. But don’t worry, the 12th of March is a perfect chance to “counters this chaos by providing the motivation to throw away the trash and shred the unwanted paperwork”.

As for anyone who champions this in the office, you should be a character in The Office.

Barbershop quartet day

Photo: Getty/Spencer Platt

Barbershop quartets are good for covers of rock songs and an occasional bit of unexpected free entertainment in a park. That aside, of more than seven billion people in the world, three would care if barbershop quartets ceased to exist, and you discounted ensemble members. They probably registered this day.

Insurance awareness day

There are very few things you can openly ridicule, knowing the thing you are making fun of provides a valuable service. Insurance companies are one of those things. They don’t need a day. They suck.

Don’t step on a bee day

Want to save bees now? Photo: Getty

Bees sting people. If one or two were to be trodden upon and crushed to death, that’s just par for the course. Anyone wishing to raise awareness for said issue though, can find all the necessary information here.

Name your PC day

We’ll let the description of this one speak for itself:

Chances are that you spend a lot of time at your computer, whether that’s at home, work, or on the move; in some cases probably more time than you spend with your friends, family or loved ones! Yet even with all this time together, your PC remains an anonymous stranger – seize the chance to take your relationship to the next level by giving your computer a name on Name Your PC Day.

Now read: The Famous Training Run That Rocky Goes On In ‘Rocky II’ Would Have Actually Been 30 Miles Long

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