If Each Bank Were A Sports Team...

lloyd blankfein

Bank franchises and sports franchises have more in common than you think.

Mergers; acquisitions; recruitment; scandals; media attention; rebranding; fiscal crises; star players; controversial leaders…

You get the drill.

JP Morgan = New Orleans Saints

JP Morgan: Has a reputation for being one of the best behaved, most compliant banks; as far as bank CEO's go, people really like Jamie Dimon - he was dubbed America's 'least hated banker' by the NY Times and appeared on the magazine cover; emerged from financial crisis relatively unscathed; one of the 'Big 4' banks.

New Orleans Saints: Scandal-less team that is the darling of football after last year's super bowl win; people love quarterback Drew Brees - he's the mancrush of every sportswriter in America - he won Sports Illustrated's Sportsman of the Year and appeared on the cover; well-loved team because of their triumph after the crisis of Hurricane Katrina.

UBS = The Knicks

UBS: Was in serious jeopardy during the financial crisis; laid of thousands, and has had to completely rejuvenate its image - which its done with huge advertising campaigns.

NY Knicks: Once proud franchise that was one of the worst teams in basketball from 2000-2010; over the last three years they've dumped all of their players (only 2 players has been with them for more than 3 year); starting this season they've made a comeback with their star player declaring, the 'knicks are back'; being marketed as the 'New Knicks.'

Bank of America = Dallas Cowboys

Bank of America: Biggest bank in America (by assets); expected to be facing big trouble/scandals in the coming few months since Wikileaks claims to have lurid details on it - but they're always embroiled in scandals, from Countrywide to robo-signing; based in the South in Charlotte; one of the Big 4 Banks in U.S; America's bank.

Dallas Cowboys: America's most valuable franchise (by Forbes); owner Jerry Jones is known for his ego, and is controversy-prone - but scandals aren't rare, and in the 1990s the team faced a huge series of scandals; based in South in Dallas; 'America's team'.

Credit Suisse = The Rays

Credit Suisse: Was praised for being one of the few major international banks to weather the financial crisis without any direct government support; in 2009, named 'Bank of the Year' by the International Financing Review; rebranded itself in 2006.

Rays: While their rivals (Yankees and Red Sox) spend billions on players, the Rays have a fraction of the money but still compete; in 2008 they made the world series; in 2007 they 'rebranded' themselves from the Devil Rays to the Rays.

Citi = Miami Heat

Citi: Formed out one of the world's largest mergers in history; it is the biggest financial services firm in the world; suffered huge losses during the financial crisis; laid of tens of thousands; was rescued in a massive bailout by the U.S. government.

Miami Heat: Formed largest merger of their own when it teamed LeBron James and Chris Bosh with Dwyane Wade; won a championship in 2006, but hit rock bottom in 2007-2008 season when they had the worst record in the NBA.

Deutsche Bank = New England Patriots

Deutsche Bank: Has an interesting history having taken part in the destruction of Jewish business under Nazi Germany; went through a series of purchases and acquistions in the early 2000s to enhance growth; between 2001 and 2007, the bank spied on its critics; in 2008, Deutsche Bank reported its first annual loss in five decades - it's back on track now though; has a pretty famous logo.

New England Patriots: Head coach Bill Belichick is huge war historian; team was fined for spying on opponents and videotaping practices; in 2008 star player Tom Brady got hurt and missed a season, temporarily derailing them, but now they are back on track as the best team in the sport.

Wells Fargo = The LA Dodgers

Wells Fargo: One of the Big 4 Banks; succesful West Coast bank headquartered in San Fran; (almost) got involved in a legal spat with Citi group of the purchase of Wachovia;

LA Dodgers: Successful west coast team; owners are going through a huge divorce and are fighting for control of the team.

BNP Paribas = The Lakers

BNP Paribas: Ranked by Bloomberg and Forbes as the largest bank and largest company in the world by assets with over $3.1 trillion; pretty scandal-less; all round good, big, rich, well-behaved bank.

LA Lakers: Most successful NBA team of decade (5 championships between 2000-2010; mostly without scandal as Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson have been constants on this team throughout the run.

Morgan Stanley = Milwaukee Brewers

Morgan Stanley: They're on a hiring spree, believing more talent will bring success to the bank - we'll see if this method will work; CEO James Gorman is vocal about not rewarding bankers with huge bonuses and has repeatedly said he's against excessive compensation.

Milwaukee Brewers: Brought in two great pitchers this offseason hoping to be successful, we'll see whether it works; their owner is one of the biggest complainers about the lack of spending limits in the sport, and some big team will undoubtedly steal his best player (prince fielder) because he's unwilling to pay $20M per season for him.

Goldman Sachs = The Yankees

Goldman Sachs: The most successful securities firm in history; the envy of all other banks (no-one admits it, but it's true); a few minor scandals due to one or two people but nothing big enough to put the firm in serious jeopardy; constantly under a media and public scrutiny to the point of obsession; Goldman mystique; wear pinstripes; based in New York.

The Yankees: Have the most championships in American professional sports; legendary owner George Steinbrenner always created controversy but did nothing truly bad; constantly under a media and public scrutiny to the point of obsession; Yankee mystique; wear pinstripes; based in New York.

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