Hypnotic Stripper Stimulus For Stock Brokers

Despite some reports that porn and strippers were doing well in the recession, the market has definitely turned against them. Rick’s Caberet has sagged 79% from where it was a year ago. Porn lord Larry Flynt wants a bailout. And Scores has shut down its NYC operations.

So what’s a working girl to do in these times? Former stripper Selena Valentine, who wrote a book called How to Date an Exotic Dancer (editor’s note: do people really have that ambition?), has learned how  to hypnotize people. Now she’s charging $100 an hour to give advice to Wall Street types and other business guys to hypnotize them into having a “Millionaire Mindset” that will presumably make them rich. 

The New York Post sent reporter Amber Sutherland to one of her hypnosis parties (of course they did) and she comes back with this report:

After playing Frank Sinatra’s “I’ve Got You Under My Skin,” on her iPod, Valentine told the professionals who paid the $20 admission to relax their way to riches.

“Go on a journey to your inner self, your inner being,” the busty Valentine said, circling the room in her Louboutin pumps.

“Just allow your inner you to relax. Allow your whole body to relax.”

Financial adviser Amal Gawle, 30, said the meeting interested him because he’s trying to start off the new year with a professional edge.

“My job is performance related, and 2008 was a terrible year in the financial markets,” he said. “I’m trying to stay ahead of the game in 2009 so that I can outperform those around me.”

To better look the part of a millionaire, Gawle said he was wearing his “Donald Trump” suit. Hypnosis was not an act of desperation, he insisted.

Please note that we avoided all puns involving performance, confidence and marked-to-model accounting while composing this post.  It was a lot harder than you might think.

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