The INSIDER Summary:
• Never ghost someone: instead, be direct and honest.
• Wait until the follow-up text to tell your date you’re not interested in pursuing anything with them.
• If the subject comes up on the first date, then be upfront and tell your date then.
Telling someone that you’re not as into them as they are into you is never easy.
But it’s something that needs to be done — it’s a lot better to be upfront and honest than to just ghost someone and hope they get the message.
Here’s how Myka Meier, founder of NYC-based Beaumont Etiquette, which offers dating etiquette courses, suggests dealing with the touchy subject.
Meier recommends always sending a follow-up text after a first date — no matter how you feel about the person. This is also the ideal time to let your date know you’re not interested in pursuing anything further.
She says you can start by thanking them for their time or for taking you out, and then you can say something along the lines of, “while I had a really nice time with you, I didn’t feel the chemistry as anything more than friendship.”
Meier says there’s no reason to feel bad about not telling your date in person.
“You don’t necessarily owe someone a face-to-face if you’ve only met one time.”
However, if your date asks if you’d like to hang out again while you’re still on your first date, then Meier says it’s important to come clean about your feelings then and there.
“If it does come up on the date, I think right then and there, be brave and just be honest, and say, ‘you know, this has been really nice, but I just haven’t felt the chemistry or the connection in terms of more than friends, but thank you so much for taking the time to meet me today.'”
Meier says there’s no need for any further explanation. It’s ok to keep your response short and simple.
However, no matter when you tell your date how you feel, it’s important to be honest and give them closure.
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