The INSIDER Summary:
- Great sex isn’t all about technique — communication is crucial.
- Shedding shame can help you overcome self-consciousness.
- Empathy is a sexual communication superpower.
Sex and relationship experts will be the first to acknowledge that “signature moves” that guarantee mind-blowing pleasure for everyone every time just don’t exist.
While technique is certainly a factor in positive sexual encounters, they work to convey a more holistic approach to sexuality founded on self-love and effective communication between partners.
We asked three experts to share one sure-fire way that people can improve their sex lives — here are their insights.
Forget about looking good.
“When we’re tuned into pleasure, both our own and our partner’s, we are better equipped to be amazing lovers,” said Virgie Tovar, editor of the anthology “Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love & Fashion” and the creator of Babecamp, an online course to help people ditch diet culture. “When we’re listening to our partner’s body and our own body, rather than focusing on technique or aesthetic, we learn what we want and desire much more easily.”
Shed your shame.
“Do whatever you have to do make your partner and yourself feel no shame,” said Tovar. “For me, that’s my partner talking openly and frequently about how much they desire every part of me, them offering me reassurances that I am very sexy, and touching all the parts of me, especially the ones I’ve been taught to feel self-conscious about.”
Tell your partner what you like.
“Great sex is all about good communication,” said Elle Chase, author of “Curvy Girl Sex” and Director of Education at the Los Angeles Academy of Sex Education. “Don’t hesitate to tell your partner when they’re doing something you really like.”
And what you don’t.
“By the same token, if your partner is doing something you don’t care for, let them know in a kind way and give them a compliment at the same time, like “I’m not so into this, but I love it when you do that,” said Chase.
“The ultimate sexual communication superpower is empathy,” said Kate McCombs, founder of Sex Geekdom, a global community for people who love having conversations about sexuality. “Besides the fact that empathy is just a cornerstone of being kind to one another and should be something that is more encouraged and better practiced.”
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