- Without experiencing closure, it’s all too easy to get attached to someone you never dated.
- If they ghost you, it may be easy to talk them up in your head but it’s important to question whether you’d want to date someone who would ghost you.
- Figuring out why you never entered into a relationship can help you determine why you’re still attached to them.
In a relationship, there tends to be a beginning, middle, and end. The story of you and your partner’s romance has clear markers, as well as labels that define what you mean to each other.
Then there are those people who mean the world to you, but never become something other than an idea of having more. The people you never dated but thought you would.
These people come into our lives, bringing uncertainty, lust, and, sometimes, even love. Yet, for one reason or another, it never turns into a relationship and we’re left with no ending to the story, no closure to move on from. It doesn’t matter that you never became a label, the feelings were there and moving on can hurt.
So, why do we get so attached to someone that we never dated? The answer can vary based on why it may not have worked out.
The fact you never actually dated can leave you feeling vulnerable and thinking they didn’t reciprocate your feelings
Although it can be nervewracking, you shouldn’t assume the object of your affections doesn’t feel the same about you – they could just be scared of making themselves vulnerable.
“Relationship satisfaction is compromised and limited by our fears of being vulnerable,” relationship therapist, educator, and author Shadeen Francis told INSIDER. “This can begin even before people start dating as the fear of rejection prevents some people from approaching the people they are interested in. If you want to feel loved, understood, seen, or accepted, you have to put yourself in a position to take an emotional risk.”
First, ask yourself why the two of you never dated. Were you not willing to take the emotional risk or were they not? Or is it as simple as they weren’t interested?
While the pain of rejection can be hard to move on from, it can also help with closure. Take a step back and ask yourself if you’re having trouble moving on because you feel rejected or because you have serious feelings for this person. You just might find it’s the former.
Even if you were the one who didn’t want to date that doesn’t mean you didn’t have feelings involved
Even if you decided against dating this person because they weren’t beneficial to your life doesn’t mean your feelings will magically go away. To move on from them, it can help to realise why you didn’t want to enter a relationship in the first place.
Jenna Birch, author of “The Love Gap,” told Business Insider many people can’t be in a relationship strictly because of timing. She said that people need to think carefully about whether to break up with someone whose “life timeline differs” from theirs.
If you broke things off before they got serious, think about why you did and respect your own decision. Perhaps you wanted to pursue a career or become financially stable before committing to someone. If so, that’s OK and it’s also OK to still have residual feelings, despite making the decision.
Ghosting is a lot more likely to happen if you were never dating
If you’ve been ghosted, chances are you’re feeling confused and vulnerable. “If you go on more than three dates, you’ve indicated you’re interested,” Anna Sale, the managing editor and host of a WNYC podcast called Death, Sex & Money told The New York Times. “To disappear after that is confusing.”
Although ghosting can be emotionally taxing, it’s important to take a step back and look at what sort of relationship you had with the person considering you never dated.
It’s also helpful to take the perspective that a person who ghosted you probably isn’t someone you want to commit to.
“If a person falls off the face of the earth, they’re probably not someone you’d really care to spend more time with,” relationship expert and sex educator Logan Levkoff previously told INSIDER. “They didn’t even have enough integrity to say, ‘Listen, this was fun but I don’t think it’s going anywhere and I hope you’re ok with that.'”
Again, their sudden disappearance from your life may lead you feeling unfinished, but it should also leave you feeling thankful you never entered a serious relationship with them.
At the end of the day, detaching yourself from someone you never dated comes down to creating your own form of closure and accepting that it didn’t become serious for a reason.VisitINSIDER’s homepagefor more.
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