Women have shared 8 ways they got over the insecurity of being cheated on — and some of the answers make a lot of sense

  • Being cheated on can be incredibly traumatic.
  • Some people feel like they will never get over the heartbreak.
  • A thread on Reddit has some ideas about how you can get over the insecurities of someone being unfaithful to you.

There are a few typical giveaways someone is cheating on you, including hiding their phone, going on unexpected trips, and even the tone of their voice.

People are unfaithful for different reasons, and some claim it can even save their relationship. But if you’ve been cheated on, chances are it didn’t feel very good. In fact, in can completely destroy your confidence. Many people whose partners have committed infidelities believe every subsequent relationship will end the same way.

In the subreddit r/AskWomen, one user posed a question: If you had insecurities of being cheated on, how did you face them?

Here were the eight answers the respondents gave.

1. Stop worrying

“I guess I just realised that if he’s gonna cheat on me he’s gonna do it regardless of what I do because I cannot control his actions,” said one user, ladyintheatre. “So worrying about it is pointless and only going to make me unhappy and possibly put strain on our relationship. Basically I grew up and mellowed.”

“I’ve been cheated on before, you can’t stop it so I just don’t worry about it,” added user standstagger. “I trust my SO [significant other] and don’t think for a second that he would do it… But you never know until it happens. I would trust my gut if I felt like something was wrong because it’s been right in the past.”

2. Have open and honest communication

“I am very honest about how ex’s cheating destroyed our marriage,” said user Neona65. “I have learned to date better men. I feel like my standards are higher now. If a guy I am dating doesn’t feel like I’m enough woman for him, I cut him loose. I don’t stress over men the way I used to. I know my worth and want a man who also values my worth. I would much rather be happy alone than miserable with the wrong guy.”

Another user xvmeadar added: “Communication, communication, communication. Trust is easily lost and incredibly hard to build afterwards, even with a different person. The best way to overcome paranoia is to be open about it, and talk about it – otherwise it will continue to feed itself and grow.”

3. Find a therapist

“Journaling my thoughts and feelings and forcing myself to come up with alternative explanations besides the worst case scenario that my brain tends to jump to,” said user leandra433.

4. Trust your gut

“I always had that gut freakin feeling and I was always right,” said user MoonstruckGirl. “The next guy I dated I had such a good feeling about, I never worried about him cheating. Felt amazing.”

5. Finding someone who understands your boundaries

User Redhaired103 said the answer is her partner “understanding my boundaries and accepting some things are too uncomfortable for me (at least for now). E.g. I’m fine with a SO staying friends with ex-girlfriends. Not OK with former FWBs [friends with benefits] unless it was a brief thing and a long time ago.”

6. Accepting the end of a relationship isn’t the end of the world.

“I still fear getting cheated on but if a SO can do it, he will do it,” she added. “And if he does it, it means he’s not someone I should be with anyway.”

7. Figuring out maybe monogamy isn’t for you

“Maybe a weird way out of this, but I just don’t do monogamous relationships anymore,” said user saltiney. “Yes, it’s still possible to cheat even if you have an open relationship, but the types of people who cheat in polyamory are easier to spot than monogamous cheaters.”

8. Give it time

“I met my husband on Tinder and decided to give him a chance despite being way out of my league,” said user Omakase_Otaku. “I would have fits of jealousy and because he is such a laid back guy the comments he got and my anger went right over his head. I noticed that he was more than a little dense and calmed down a bit. Over time his best qualities came out. Loyalty was at the top of that list, then dedication, determination, and reliability.”