Gwyneth Paltrow's holiday gift guide includes $55,000 headphones and a $250 toothpaste squeezer

Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle website Goop has just released its holiday gift guide, and this year, it seemed surprisingly tame… at first.

With sections like For the Dudes and For the Entertainer, Paltrow and her team came up with a solid list of gifts. Sure there was a $US260 corset unitard, a $US1,000 silverware storage container, and $US330 crystal fireplace logs. But Paltrow also had some more practical gift ideas this year and even included a section for under $US50 gifts for offices parties.

But before you get disappointed, Paltrow knows what the public truly wants from her: laughably insane and expensive gift ideas. She delivered with her last guide for Ridiculous (and Awesome) Gifts.

From 18-karat gold dumbbells to something called a Darwin Tank for over $US1,600, keep scrolling to see what Paltrow says you should get the person who has everything — in other words, herself.

Let's begin with this $1,500 vintage ball and chain from design store Blackman Cruz.

This Darwin jellyfish tank costs over $1,600. 'No clue where you buy jellyfish though,' says Paltrow.

The Darwin Sect

While I doubt Paltrow has sat in stadium seating, she included this $70 heated seat cushion from Sky Mall. Who knew she loved Sky Mall?

Sky Mall

This $46,000 Hermes Mahjongg set is only available by special order. Paltrow says helpfully, 'There's a waiting list.'

Paltrow called this $12,500 survival kit from Just One Eye the 'gift of life.' It has basics like food and water as well as night vision goggles and a satellite phone.

Just One Eye

These Sennheiser Orpheus Earphones cost $55,000 and are supposed to have the best sound experience in the world. 'Because some audiophiles really do 'need' $55,000 headphones,' Goop says.

Sennheiser

These $60 modern dinner bells are made with hand-bent steel and leather hangers. 'It's the only way to call your kids to supper,' according to Paltrow. The only way.

Food 52

This $55 Devi Steamer Seat from Vibrant Souls might look like a giant spool of thread, but it's actually a 'vaginal steaming chair.' The product description points out that it's much easier to store than other steamers.

Soul Vibrance

Want to upgrade your gym? How about this set of $125,000 18-karat gold dumbbells? Paltrow is 'speechless.'

Moda Operandi

This gift is admittedly pretty amazing: Neiman Marcus offers a $90,000 trip in a pressurised capsule 100,000 feet above earth. 'We don't know how it works, but we want it,' gushed the Goop team.

Neiman Marcus

Get all the toothpaste out with this deluxe $244 toothpaste squeezer. 'Better than a chip clip,' quips Paltrow.

Wallpaper

This $195 gold face massager is apparently good for any skin type and should be 'used daily to awaken skin.' 'It's a facial massager,' Paltrow says.

Barneys New York

These $2,300 Just One Eye playing cards may look ordinary, but they're actually gilded and come with a leather carrying case. They're also sold out.

Just One Eye

It makes me happy to think about Paltrow using this $99 OstrichPillow. 'So, you know, you can nap privately,' says Paltrow. 'In public.'

Studio Banana Things

See the rest of her Ridiculous (and Awesome) Gifts here.

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