The Unofficial Goldman Sachs Guide To Christmas Gifts 2014

Here’s the only man’s gift guide you’ll need – where the practical meets the fantastical, the everyday meets the outlandish, with a token amount of benevolence.

It’s not just a function of wallet size. Most men are happy to receive the things we feel guilty about buying or are too lazy to buy for ourselves.. But of course, what we really want are the things we didn’t even know we wanted.

Last year’s list, which included a Tesla for the lake ($US120,000), fossilized Triceratops skull ($US200,000), backgammon set ($US5,000), and the greatest Christmas movie of all time ($US20), is worth revisiting; there’s no expiration date on great ideas.

Here goes for 2014>

John LeFevre is the creator of the @GSElevator Twitter feed and the author of the soon-to-be-released Straight To Hell: True Tales of Deviance, Debauchery, and Billion-Dollar Deals.

Where art meets history

Why not go all-out this year with this one-of-a-kind 16th century Japanese Samurai armour?

Because not even Tom Cruise could ruin a Samurai movie for guys.

The Christie's Samurai Swords and Armour auction runs online until December 4th

If you get outbid on the full armour, this 19th Century mask might be a more affordable backup at $US11,000.

Price: $US40,000+

Make a statement in black tie

Black tie affairs are one of the few occasions where it's acceptable for a man to wear any kind of excessive bling.

These Theo Fennell dress studs aren't cheap, but they will definitely set him apart from the wait staff. Before you think Ed Hardy, consider it more Damian Hirst -- because black tie events need an injection of whimsical vulgarity.

If his nights out end the way mine do, just make sure to get them insured.

Price: $US2,700

Amat Victoria Curam

A man should start every morning ready to bite the arse off a bear.

This waterproof Bluetooth wireless speaker by FRESHeTECH can turn every shower session into a mental Rocky IV montage.

He can greet the day like he's walking out into the ring. I already know what my fight song is…

Price: $US30

A goat for a good cause

A hardy goat is the gift of sustainability, which means fertiliser and food for rural families -- especially those living in areas that cannot support less-durable critters.

It's all courtesy of Oxfam America, a nonprofit organisation committed to creating lasting solutions to poverty, hunger, and injustice…

… making this gift the moral equivalent of carbon offset credits for your average Wall Streeter

Price: $US50 and up

Some fresh manties

Boring, yes! Until you learn that the average man replaces his underwear once every seven years.

Made from natural bacterial inhibiting Austrian Beechwood tree fibre, these MeUndies are not only environmentally friendly, they also help reduce odor.

Price: $US89 (for five)

Out of this world, literally

This iron fragment of a zoomorphic meteorite formed 4.5 billion years ago from the core of a molten asteroid, somewhere between Mars and Jupiter, and then somehow found its way into the Namibian desert.

Now, this contemplative conversation piece and natural work of art can adorn a shelf in his house for the rest of his fleeting inconsequential life.

The Christie's Deep Impact auction runs until November 25th

Price: $US45,000+

A leisurely commute

This electric, foldable Jive bike might be a bit too Google Glass-y for some, but it's a hell of a lot more practical than the Onewheel that Silicon Valley is going nuts over.

Commute to work on electric power (18 MPH for 20 miles) then pedal home to get some exercise: save the environment, save money, and skip the gym.

Even when you pedal, it's always like riding downhill, so you never arrive at the office in a schvitz.

Price: $US2,300

A thoughtfully chosen book

Take your pick, but for me, Evan Osnos is a fantastic writer for the New Yorker, and this is a great book.

I gave him and this book a plug long before it won the top prize at the 2014 National Book Awards.

From the violence in Xinjiang to the absurdity of Ai Weiwei's fight for (artistic) freedom, Age of Ambition delicately weaves together multiple fascinating story lines.

Price: $US20

Who still carries a wallet?

Unlike most wallets, this fits comfortably in any front, back, or breast pocket.

I love my Goyard or this Prada card case for everyday use; it holds everything I need, including room for some contingency c-notes.

Price: $US220

Can't go wrong with these

Not much to see here, but many guys don't bother upgrading from the earphones that come with their iPhone.

I'm sure Beats By Dre are great (they're actually not), but I'm just sick of those damn commercials.

These Jabra Wireless Earbuds are perfect for they gym, and they also come with a built-in heart rate monitor.

Price: $US199

Worthy of more than '2nd Prize'

France's TB Groupe blends design and technology with these unique kitchen knives.

The laser-bonded titanium-carbide surface only needs sharpening once every 25 years.

If this is too Stuff Magazine-y, there's always this sushi knife, hand-forged by Teruyasu Fujiwara, using traditional samurai sword making techniques that have been passed down through his family for generations.

Price: $US78 and $US1,700

Look like landed gentry (without the inbreeding)

It's the most expensive Range Rover of all time -- the 2015 Autobiography Holland & Holland Edition (limited to 40 vehicles).

As Business Insider points out, considering the Holland & Holland 'Royal' Double Barrel Rifle costs $US275,000, this car is a bargain.

Because the Kardashians ruined the G-Wagen (that's short for Geländewagen) for all of us, what else is a man going to drive?

Price: $US285,000

Honorable Mentions

Some custom casino-quality poker chips.

Another backgammon set.

The perfect weekend bag.

This picture frame.

And this painting in case the Christie's auctions don't work out.

Things to Avoid

Ties -- Buying ties is fun for guys; don't take that from us. Besides, it sucks feeling obligated to wear something we probably don't like just because you gave it to us. The same goes with sunglasses.

Travel toiletry bags -- I use the ones I get for free from the airlines (so, they're actually not free) and then supplement the contents with my own Bliss, La Mer, and Gillette products. Then, I throw it away and get a new one. Go look inside any old Tumi or Hartmann toiletry bag; they're disgusting.

Grooming gadgets - If you think he needs a nose hair trimmer, why are you waiting until December 25th? That's grounds for divorce.

Whiskey accessories -- We get it; bros love their whiskey. But it's played out - like golf accessories in the 90s. Bottles of whiskey are fine, but don't waste time with the rocks or the gimmicky glasses. Just drink it neat.

A pet -- If you're married, talk it through and make it a joint decision -- it's long-term commitment/obligation. If you're not married, think about the feelings of that poor dog in a worst-case scenario. I know a couple of sad little pooches that still don't understand why I stopped visiting them.

A Single Ticket on Virgin Galactic -- Enough said, especially if you just started taking private tennis lessons and upped his life insurance policy.

Want to be a little more realistic about your options?

More from GSElevator:

Business Insider Emails & Alerts

Site highlights each day to your inbox.

Follow Business Insider Australia on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.