Because the SEC has a “quiet period” which prevents companies from talking about how well they’re doing in public, Groupon hasn’t been able to fight back. It has had to sit back and get pummelled*.
Well, enough is enough. The company tried to respond today.
And it did it the only way it can: with humour.
Groupon just posted a response on its blog that says nothing other than we’re sick of being dissed. Here’s the post in full, we’ll see how the SEC feels about it:
The Groupon Guide To The Quiet Period
The “Quiet Period” is the time right before a company “goes public,” during which it is legally prohibited from saying anything to the press that may make the company look “good,” “successful,” or “not currently on fire.” During this sensitive time, it is the duty of the press to force the adolescent company through a series of brutal hazing rituals, designed to desensitize it to public criticism. This tough love helps the naively optimistic company to thicken its skin, atrophy its soul, and finally grow up into a real corporation. Here are some traditional hazing rituals you can use to torture companies in a quiet period:
- Wait until the company is sleeping to smear scream-activated bees on its face. Lesson Learned: Don’t believe your company’s own “buzz.”
- Photoshop the company’s logo to appear to be shaking hands with James Buchanan, America’s worst president. Lesson Learned: Everything you see or read about a company is true, if it’s on a computer.
- Use the company’s cell phone to text a vote for the new M&M’s colour to be a sickly ashen grey. Lesson Learned: Customers aren’t capable of making their own decisions.
- Kick sand in the company’s face. Lesson Learned: If the company survives, it’s time to move on to sand’s close relative, powdered glass.
- Write disparaging articles about the company. Lesson Learned: That’s what they get for trying to be a company.
*As an aside, this happened to Google when it was preparing to IPO, and it ended up causing the company to distrust the press. Steven Levy quoted a Google exec in “In The Plex” as saying Google is “still digging out of the hole” of inaccuracies that popped up during its quiet period. We’re curious to see the long term effect this has on Groupon.
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