The Best Of The Worst Jokes About Goldman Sachs

goldman sachs jon stewart

Many of the jokes at Wall Street’s expense this past year have been aimed directly at Goldman Sachs.

They’ve been delightful, but we think the bubble has burst.

The evidence:

Blankfein just dropped from #1 to #100 on the Vanity Fair mogul list. Every single comedian has poked fun at the firm – twice. Even the President has gotten a laugh by playing on the collective hatred of “Goldman Sucks.”

And an entire article dedicated to the growing number of Goldman Sachs jokes was written in April.

So the jokes on Goldman are overplayed and now that the summer is over, they almost aren’t funny anymore. So before the cracks retire themselves, let’s revisit some of the best worst jabs at Goldman Sachs.

'By the way, all of the jokes here tonight are brought to you by our friends at Goldman Sachs. So you don't have to worry, they make money whether you laugh or not . . .'

- President Obama

'Why are government employees filing a civil suit against Goldman Sachs? That's just going to be embarrassing in a few years when they all go back to work at Goldman Sachs.'

- Stephen Colbert

David Letterman's Top 10 Goldman Sachs Excuses

10. Huh?

9. You're saying 'fraud' like it's a bad thing

8. Planned on using money to buy everyone in America delicious KFC Double Down sandwich

7. Distraught over George Lopez's move to midnight

6. We were framed by evil menswear company Goldman Slacks

5. Since when are financial institutions not allowed to screw their customers?

4. Hey sport, how much to make these questions go away?

3. America needed a villain both Republicans and Democrats can hate

2. Everyone we ripped off got an 'I Got Cheated By Goldman Sachs' tote bag

1. Uhh, it's Obama's fault?

'$8.7 billion of our money has gone missing in Iraq! I didnt even know they had a Goldman Sachs over there.'

- Jay Leno

'While testifying before Congress yesterday, BP CEO Tony Hayward called the oil spill a 'complex accident caused by an unprecedented combination of failures.' Then he realised he was reading notes left on the stand by a Goldman Sachs executive.'

-- Jimmy Fallon

Upon hearing that Goldman Sachs was handing out $16 billion in bonuses, after the $5.4 billion in bonuses from January.

'That was January... It's only April... Was this their daylight savings time bonus? Groundhog didn't see its shadow bonus. Do you give that bonus to the bonus in January so the other bonuses don't get lonely?'

- Jon Stewart

'Well, the government said today Somali pirates being held in U.S. custody will be brought to the United States for prosecution, and they will be tried by a jury of their peers. So I'm guessing that's what, Goldman Sachs?'

- Jay Leno

On Goldman's 'shitty deal' and consequent ban on swear words:

So let the word go forth, Goldman may still fuck you over, but from now on, they themselves will refer to it as making sweet sweet love to you.

- Jon Stewart (Goldman clip)

After the SEC announced the Goldman investigation, the popular joke:

A man is only as faithful as his options.

- Chris Rock

Was re-worked to fit the situation (ie 'a banker is only as faithful as his options').

'President Obama released his tax return today. He didn't owe a lot in taxes. He has a lot of dependents. He's got his wife, two daughters, A.I.G., General Motors, Goldman Sachs.'

- Jay Leno

Who would invest in Goldman Sachs mortgage investments? I played it safe and bought Greek bonds and magic beans.

- Conan O'Brien

'Last week, President Obama gave a speech in New York City about his plan to reform these rules on Wall Street, you know? And one embarrassing moment. When the head of Goldman Sachs was going through security, he was asked to empty his pockets and five Republican senators fell out.'

- Jay Leno

While the US economy was in meltdown mode, employees of the Securities and Exchange Commission were all watching porn!

Ironically, the porn they were watching was Goldman Sachs screwing America!

- Dasher

Investors at Goldman Sachs were irate about reports that the company had used investor funds to chase risky and reckless investments.

Specifically, they wanted to know why Goldman Sachs had donated $1M to the Obama campaign.

- The Raving Rabbi

You've seen what the funniest comedians think about Goldman...

... Now check out what regular people think about Goldman Sachs.

'Man on the Street' asks people what they REALLY think about Goldman Sachs. Watch >>>

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