Warning: Spoilers for “Game of Thrones” season seven, episode seven, “The Dragon and the Wolf.” If you aren’t caught up on the series, read at your own risk.
Every week the Game of Thrones changes. You can win one week, and lose the next.
This week there was a lot of sitting and talking, very few deaths, a zombie dragon and some cringeworthy incest.
Every week, we’ve rounded up which character was the smartest, dumbest, luckiest, and more in our power rankings.
Here’s the “Game of Thrones” power rankings based on the season seven finale, “The Dragon and the Wolf”:
When Sam talks to Bran Stark about Jon Snow's real parents, Bran says that Jon's real last name is Sand.
'It's not,' says Sam. 'At the Citadel, I transcribed a High Septon's diary. He annulled Rhaegar's marriage to Elia. He wed Rhaegar and Lyanna in a secret ceremony.'
Sorry, Sam. But that was Gilly. Gilly! We're hoping that Sam eventually gives her the credit she deserves.
Tyrion does have an amazing scene with Cersei, where he pretty much begs her to kill him. She doesn't.
But the joke is actually on Tyrion. Tyrion thinks he's convinced his sister to work with him to defeat the Night King. He thinks Mission: Capture A Wight and Show It To My Sister and She Will Help Us! really worked.
Yes, the wight terrified her. But not enough to help. Cersei is lying, and plans to chill in King's Landing while they do all the hard work. The fact that Tyrion doesn't see this coming after all of the mistakes he's made in season seven is mind-blowing.
We're not 100% they survived the Night King's attack on Eastwatch, but we're pretty sure they made it to the new edge of the Wall. If they died, the moment would have been captured on screen. Plus, someone has to survive to tell everyone that the Night King has a dragon now.
Sorry, Mance Rayder. The Night King beat you. His newly resurrected dragon breathes pretty blue flames that literally take down the Wall.
After a moving scene with Jon Snow (his sort-of brother whom he grew up with), where Theon confronts his identity crisis and is told that he is as much of a Stark as he is a Greyjoy, Theon commands his remaining men to join his mission to save his sister, Yara.
One of his men refuses to help. Instead, he beats Theon to a pulp. But when he hits him below the belt, Theon feels nothing. Then Theon bashes the guy's face in, earning the respect of his men. The Ironborn are really, really strange.
But we're glad that Jon Snow accidentally helped Theon gain some confidence and sense of self back. And we wish him luck on his mission to save his sister from his uncle.
When Cersei reveals her plan to ignore the alliance with Daenery and Jon and wait out the war against the dead in the Red Keep, Jaime is more upset than he's ever been with her. He's upset and disturbed by the fact that she's breaking her promise to help save the entire world, and equally as upset that she plotted behind his back with Euron Greyjoy.
Jaime is angry enough that he storms out without any tears, thankful that his selfish, stupid sister won't kill him. He definitely saw this coming. But he has no time for brooding, and rides North in the snow.
The writers manipulated the audience for weeks. Turns out, Arya, Sansa and Bran worked together this whole time. They successfully convinced Littlefinger that he created chaos between Sansa and Arya. And what he thought would be Arya's trial for murder ended up being his own execution for all of his crimes against the Stark family.
Arya's smirk when Littlefinger realises he's been played by three teenagers is epic, and very Arya. And she's thrilled to slit his throat with his own dagger.
But Ayra's satisfaction with killing an enemy isn't even close to the joy and wonder Qyburn clearly feels when he sees the wight in King's Landing.
Cersei plans on sitting around her castle, having the Golden Company take all the castles in the South while everyone else fights the Night King and his army in the North. She thinks this is an incredibly intelligent move that her father would have made, but she fails to have the ability to think ahead.
Jaime puts it best: 'How is a mercenary company in Essos going to help us?'
Cersei says that Euron is bringing them back, but Jaime has a point. Is a group of sell swords (essentially, freelance/contract soldiers) going to be down with fighting an army of Dothraki, Unsullied and dragons, or an army of literal zombies? Probably not, Cersei. Probably not. And their elephants aren't going to help, either.
Euron's back! Being very Euron in his black leather. This time around, his coat flows in the King's Landing wind, and totally matches his eyeliner.
Bran is the champion of creeps this season, and will continue to be, no matter how much he helps everybody with his gift.
Sansa is right: Littlefinger is directly responsible for creating the conflict between the Starks and the Lannisters that resulted in their father's death. He is responsible for poisoning Jon Arryn, he pushed Lysa Arryn out the Moon Door, and he betrays Sansa by trying to pit her against Arya.
He begs for his life, but Sansa doesn't budge and Arya does the honours.
The writers are definitely aware of how creepy and annoying Bran is. No one knows what the Three Eyed Raven is. Yet Bran describes it as if everyone does (and should know). When these two figure out that Jon is a legitimate Targaryen, Sam asks Bran what happened to him beyond the Wall. Bran says, 'I became the Three Eyed Raven.'
And Sam, speaking for literally all of us, says, 'Oh!' And after a long pause, 'I don't know what that means.'
Bran actually takes a few seconds to explain his abilities to Sam, but he doesn't go into too much detail.
Bronn opens the episode with a scene with Jaime, where he talks about, well, you know, the male sex organ.
Later, Bronn and Podrick leave the fancy gathering in the dragon pit, undoubtedly to go to a pub and then a brothel to do what Pod does best. For Bronn, it's probably second best to combat. Does the brothel they visit provide fermented crab, courtesy of Davos Seaworth?
Later, Jon Snow seemingly can't resist as he initiates some (cringeworthy for those who know) accidentally incestuous private time with Aunt Dany.
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