Photo: AP Images
Across the country, and the world, college seniors are preparing for their next step. Naturally, here at Clusterstock, we’re concerned for those who want to find their way to Wall Street.Good luck everyone.
But beyond luck, you need skill. That’s why we’re sharing the most important points of an important post we just saw on Wall Street Oasis. Blogger Bankerella likes to take on recruiting for her Wall Street firm, and she has five points about how to impress her in the short time you have with a person who can help you get to where you want to go.
1: The EIS hustle. You got there early to position yourself strategically: front row, end seat next to the aisle. You spend the last five minutes of the talk locked onto me like a missile, your notebook closed, your pen put away, your thighs tensed, ready to spring. When the talk ends, you leap up and elbow past fourteen people to make it to me before anyone else does. Your eyes are soulless, your shoes are polished, your hand’s extended, you’re charging, you’re 10 feet from me, eight, seven, six….
I see you. I know you. I was you. You’re a douchebag.
2: “My question is, do you know how great I am?” The purpose of a question is to ask a question, or to show that you can open your mouth without embarrassing yourself and me. The purpose of a question is not simply to kiss my arse or show yourself off. Do not fall into the habit of “I have a question. [Insert long, completely self-serving, declarative statement here.] What do you think about that?”
What do I think about that? I think you’re a douchebag. What’s worse and less forgivable, I think you lack even the tiny modicum of social awareness you need to survive in my world.
3: The pre-interview interview. I don’t care how awesome you are, all you can get out of me before round one is a pass to round one. You’re not getting the offer today, no matter how hard you try…
If you get the interview, you get 30 minutes on my calendar to showboat all you want. If you don’t have the interview yet, every second you take from me has to come from somewhere else in my life.
4: Awkward Turtle’s school of arse-kissing. You’re only 21. Your only internship so far has been in brokerage operations. The banker in front of you has the power to change your life…You’re going to get on your knees and kiss this banker’s arse longer and harder and better than any arse has ever been kissed. And until you figure out what kind of arse-kissing this person likes, you’re going with the pray-and-spray approach…
Except this banker just wants to get through the session…If you’re going to do it, be smooth about it. Be calm, be relaxed, meet as equals. Then throw ’em a little smooch, real slick and subtle and down-low, like a throwaway line…
5: The good old girl network. As a smart, hardworking girl, you’re not asking for a free pass to the head of the line, just for a little helping hand. A good word in the right ear. Is that so wrong? After all, you’ve worked hard to get where you are, and you deserve it. After all, we girls have to stick together, right?…
If you’re a woman, your goal in handling me should be to behave like everyone else and get the same chance everyone else gets. If you try to get special treatment out of me because we share a gender, I will ding you so hard in undergrad that you’ll still be dinged when you come out of b-school five years later.
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