A promiment omission in Vanity Fair’s exhaustive oral history of the Web, which includes interviews with most of the Internet’s biggest names, past and present: Steve Jobs. So how can you tell the story of the Web without the guy who created iTunes (AAPL)? Talk to his charming doppelganger. VF got Forbes’ Real Dan Lyons/Fake Steve Jobs to sub in, offering up his thoughts on the music business. We’re not sure we’d call this classic FSJ, but it is entertaining to see him in such august company.
All these music companies saw this coming years ago—they saw digital distribution coming. The genie was out of the bottle when they started doing CDs and distributing digital music that could be copied anyway, right?
They saw digital downloads coming; they saw Napster; they knew that they had to create a legal and workable alternative. And if you could do one that was easy to use and simple, you know, the bet was that people would pay for it, if you made it, you know, convenient. But the record guys were all either stupid or lazy or frightened, and just sat there with their thumbs up their arse and, like, couldn’t get out of their own way to figure out how to do it. Or each one wanted to do their own store, or whatever.
But I really think that Apple came along and took all the risk. Apple said, O.K., we’ll invest in making this hardware device and in making a store, and running that store, and making all these deals, and working with all you scumbags and arseholes in the music business. We’ll put on our asbestos suit and deal with you people, right, to be able to, like, sit in the same room and breathe the same air that you criminals in the music industry, you retarded criminals, do, right?