Meet Google's Baddest Engineer, Jeff Dean

jeff dean google badass engineer

Photo: Google

Jeff Dean is one of Google’s most popular engineers, ever.The software genius is widely credited by Googlers for the blazing speed of the company’s famed search engine. 

Dean has been with Google since 1999 and his engineering prowess and popularity have inspired “Jeff Dean Facts”.

You know those Chuck Norris jokes called “Chuck Norris Facts“? 

Like: “Chuck Norris doesn’t wash dishes, they wet themselves out of fear” or “Chuck Norris is not allowed on commercial flights because his fists are considered deadly weapons“?

Well, Dean has his own version, compiled by Google’s very own engineers who admire him. What started out as an April Fool’s joke by engineer Kenton Varda has exploded into a cult classic.

They’re pretty funny – if you understand software engineers and their sense of humour.

Because we don’t always understand the language, so we asked Business Insider CTO, Pax Dickinson, to help translate the jokes for the rest of us. 

Compilers don't warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers.

Joke by: Christopher Lin

Jeff Dean builds his code before committing it, but only to check for compiler and linker bugs.

Joke by: Christopher Lin

Jeff Dean puts his pants on one leg at a time, but if he had more legs, you would see that his approach is O(log n).

Joke by: Josh Wills

When he heard that Jeff Dean's autobiography would be exclusive to the platform, Richard Stallman bought a Kindle.

Jeff Dean writes directly in binary. He then writes the source code as a documentation for other developers.

Joke by: Kevin Goslar

Joke by: Christopher Lin

The x86-64 spec includes several undocumented instructions marked 'private use.' They are actually for Jeff Dean's use.

When Jeff Dean has an ergonomic evaluation, it is for the protection of his keyboard.

Joke by: Christopher Lin

All pointers point to Jeff Dean.

The rate at which Jeff Dean produces code jumped by a factor of 40 in late 2000 when he upgraded his keyboard to USB 2.0

Joke by: Christopher Lin

Pax: Dean's coding was slowed down by the speed of the interface between his keyboard and his computer.

Now make sure you check out how Larry Page built Google into what it is today...

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