The Dumbest Things People Have Ever Said On The Record

raj phone

The following embarrassingly dumb quotes were bound to tip off law enforcement officials on the lookout for insider trading activity.

For example: Who sends an email asking for non-public information?

And that’s not even the worst one. These head-slappers will convince you to never write or say anything on the record ever again — especially if you have reason to believe officials have wiretapped you.

Trader Garrett Bauer tells his friend what he would do if his large cash withdrawals were noticed by investigators:

'I used that as spending money. I don't know, I will say I bought prostitutes if it came down to it.'

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Flextronics employee Walter Shimoon tells a hedge fund employee about Apple's new products:

Apple is going to be producing a new iPhone that's 'coming out early next year' and 'is gonna have two cameras... They, you know, they're very secretive, right? ... So I don't have an exact time frame but I've concluded we'll start building modules probably in March... They have a code name for something new. It's totally... it's a new category altogether. And, uh, I speculated that it's probably a reader... I believe it's called K, K48. That's the internal name... So, you can get, at Apple, you can get fired for saying K48.'

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Trader Zvi Goffer tells a friend that if he gets a job at Galleon, it'll be much easier to insider trade:

'Just say to them, say look, I got a job at a um, at a bigger fund. It makes everything, it makes hiding things so much easier, and, you know, we're going to keep doing things the same way, just on a little bit of a bigger scale.'

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Trader Garrett Bauer admits wrong-doing:

'I mean the fact is we did something wrong. So it is not like we are being convicted of doing nothing. We did something wrong here.'

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Former SAC trader Don Longueuil explains how he destroyed a USB drive that allegedly held information about their sources and the nonpublic information they provided:

'The night the Wall Street Journal article came out ... I pressed the eject button and everything's fucking gone... destroyed... everything's gone. Fuckin', I, I chopped it up, chopped up everything. You take two pairs of pliers, and then you rip it open... and then, it's just a piece of NAND... So I just fucking ripped it apart right there... I had two external drives that had like wafer numbers on 'em. Fucking pulled the external drives apart. Destroyed the platter... Put 'em into four separate little baggies, and then at 2 AM on a Friday night, I put this stuff inside my black North Face jacket... and leave the apartment and I go on like a 20 block walk around the city and try to find a garbage truck, and threw the shit in the back of like random garbage trucks, four different garbage trucks.'

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Flextronics employee Walter Shimoon told an expert network manager:

'That would really suck if you recorded the calls'

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Hedge fund analyst Danielle Chiesi on the phone discussing an AMD tip:

'I'm dead if this leaks... I really am . . . and my career is over. I'll be like Martha f- - -ing Stewart... 'If it leaks, I think I'm out of business . . . Because . . . who knows IBM? And who, who's in bed with AMD? Put Danielle's name on the f- - -in' ticket.'

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Hedge fund manager Art Samberg sent a Microsoft employee who he was hiring, an email asking for insider information:

'im not as impressed with our research on msft. do you have any current views that could be helpful? Might as well pick your brain before you go on the payroll!!'

'I own some msft... despite recurring indications from knowledgeable people that the company will either pronounce or take guidance down. Any tidbits you might care to lob in would be appreciated.'

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Hedge fund analyst Danielle Chiesi told Raj:

'They're gonna guide down. I just got a call from my guy. I played him like a finely tuned piano.'

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Trader Garrett Bauer tells his friend and alleged co-conspirator to burn dirty cash in a fire:

Bauer: 'I'd almost -- you know what, if you feel better burn the money and I'll give it back to you.'
Friend: 'Burn it?'
Bauer: 'I would burn it in a fire.'

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Trader Garrett Bauer and his friend and co-conspirator talk about removing fingerprints from dirty cash by putting it in a washing machine:

Bauer: 'We have to get all the fingerprints off that money... Like you wearing gloves or something and wiping every bill down or something. But it has to be done. Or as, like, you giving it to me and me wiping every bill down.'
Friend: 'You know something. Somebody did say, 'why don't you just run it through a dish-, a dish-washing machine?''
Bauer: 'Well, I don't know. I mean, I've seen that in the movies but I don't know -- who said that? Someone said that to you?'

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What's ridiculous is that these guys didn't need any extra money...

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