The Donald Sterling/Clippers scandal made for perfect fodder for this weekend’s ‘Saturday Night Live’ cold open.
The show begins with a cameo-filled press conference.
“This has been a terrible time for the NBA, but frankly it’s been a wonderful time for me, NBA commissioner, Adam Silver. I have gotten more high-fives from black people this week than any week in my life.”
Next up, Donald Sterling takes the mic. “Thank you Adam Silver, who I thought was one of us. This week has been such a terrible ordeal for so many people. But let’s just focus on the real victim here — me. My reputation has gotten a real black eye, which we all know is the worst kind of eye.”
“And through all this pain, I have decided to sell the Los Angeles Clippers for the bargain price of one billion dollars … I hope to use every penny to repair my relationship with the black community, especially Magic Johnson, who is clearly one of the good ones.”
Sterling, played by Bobby Moynihan, continued, “I have also tried to fix the transgressions in my personal life. I have parted ways with my half-black mistress, Ms. Stiviano, and I am proud to announce that I have upped my limit a little bit and now I have a mistress who is 3/4 black.”
“Listen,” says Sterling’s new mistress, “I know you’re all like, ‘She don’t have no dignity,’ but you know what I do have? A new Lexus convertible.”
Sterling then continues, “Despite what you heard, I still have plenty of NBA players who love me, like my dear friend Mr. Dennis Rodman.”
Rodman then appears to defend Sterling, saying, “I am a great judge of character and this is one of the greatest men I’ve ever met — right up there with my main man, Kim Jong-un.”
Watch the full sketch below:
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