When you’re attracted to someone, it can be upsetting to learn they only think of you as a friend. From their body language to the questions they ask, there are certain signs your crush doesn’t share your feelings.
Here are a few subtle signs that your crush considers you a platonic buddy rather than the love of their life.
Your crush never makes an effort to be physically close to you.
When you like someone, it’s natural to want to be physically close to them. Angling for adjacent seats at dinner, sharing the same blanket while watching TV, or giving a long hug goodbye are all low-key hints that someone can’t help but want to be in your personal space.
“Touching is a good indicator that a person likes you or dislikes you,” behavioural analyst Jeff Schafer wrote for Psychology Today. “If you casually touch another person and they abruptly pull away, the person does not like you or is not ready for a more intimate relationship.”
If your crush never makes any moves to be near your or even seems to actively avoid situations where you might be in physical contact, that’s a pretty good indicator they’re not looking for anything romantic.
They never dress up around you.
Unless the person you’re pursuing is dressed casually in every situation, them showing up to a dinner date in sweatpants and a rumpled t-shirt might be a sign that you’re firmly in friend zone territory.
As Jess Cartner-Morley wrote for The Guardian, “Most of us adapt our clothes to our environment in the same way we re-calibrate our vocabulary, or our body language, to fit the situation.”
When your crush doesn’t see your presence as a reason to make an effort with their appearance, chances are that they feel more comfortable than lustful around you.
You’re always the one planning meet-ups.
If you’re the only one sending invitations to hang out or thinking up cool stuff to do together, that could be a red flag. Taking days to text back about weekend plans or giving non-committal responses to invitations isn’t the behaviour of someone with a crush.
“Everyone is busy, but we make time for what’s important. Not responding timely or at all is usually a sign of disinterest,” Venessa Marie Perry, Ph.D., MPH, founder, and chief relationship strategist of LoveWrite, previously told INSIDER.
If you’re doing all the heavy lifting when it comes to making plans, the other person likely considers the relationship to be more casual.
They share absolutely everything with you.
It’s one thing to feel comfortable enough with another person to confide your deepest secrets and insecurities. It’s quite another to gleefully relate graphic details about your bodily functions.
“Some healthy reluctance to sharing such info is a sign of a sexy relationship,” author Kira Asatryan said in Psychology Today.
If the person you’re keen on seems to have no qualms about sharing the more private stuff, they might not be that interested in cultivating attraction between the two of you.
Or they share nothing at all with you.
If you find that your crush comes to you when they need to get serious about their feelings and vulnerabilities, this could be a good sign. If, however, they don’t see you as their go-to person, they could just want to be friends.
Author Richard Bach described a soulmate as “someone who fits into life perfectly, like a key in a lock. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.”
If they are not willing to show you their true self, this could be a red flag.
They talk to you about people they’re attracted to.
If your crush is being open with you about their attraction to other people, that’s likely a bad sign for any potential relationship between the two of you.
A person who is into you won’t want to ruin their chances with you by gushing about someone else.
They never want to be alone with you.
If your crush is in the habit of showing up to outings with a friend or two, that might a good sign that they don’t consider romance to be in the cards. When someone is into you, they will go out of their way to ensure they get one-on-one time with you.
“Nonverbal behaviours – such as seeking you out in a crowd and eliminating physical barriers in group settings – indicate the person you like wants to interact with you, which gives you an opportunity to develop your relationship under favourable conditions,” Jack Schafer Ph.D. wrote for Psychology Today.
They don’t tell people about you.
“When people are really into someone, they want to incorporate them into their lives,” Theresa Herring, LMFT, a licensed marriage, and family therapist, previously told INSIDER. “When they are hesitant to introduce you, it often means that they have hesitation about you, the relationship, and/or the likelihood of a future together.”
Pay attention to how many of the important people in their life that you’re actually meeting.
They don’t remember any little things you say.
Dr. Suzana E. Flores, clinical psychologist and author of “Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Lives,” previously told Business Insider that “someone in love will remember your birthday, your favourite colour, and favourite meal, so the little things they remember and do for you are also meaningful.”
If you feel like everything you say to your crush is going in one ear and out the other, chances are they aren’t having romantic feelings toward you.
They ask you about your love life.
It’s common knowledge that when you’re into someone, you don’t want to hear about their romantic feelings toward other people. Remember this when you’re wondering if your crush wants to be more than friends.
If they show a genuine interest in your love life and want to hear about it, chances are they are being a good friend, and nothing more.
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