Disneyland Fires Pirates Of The Caribbean Mascots

One would think there was no better time to be a pirate than now, but apparently it’s not the best time to be a pretend pirate.

LAist: The four men who play Captain Jack Sparrow from the popular Pirates of the Caribbean film franchise were told it was time to walk the plank, so to speak, when they lost their Disneyland jobs recently. So why did the Mouse cut the swashbucklers loose?

Theories are as rampant as overpriced snack food at the theme park, and range from the idea that the Pirates’ booties got the boot so that the park could hire more Tinker Bells, or that the pirates’ bare chests were so hard to resist that “young female parkgoers to flash more than their riggings and yardarms late at night,” reports abc7.com.

Disneyland denies that the apparently too-sexy Sparrows were fired to make way for young ladies dressed as fairies, but one Captain Jack is pretty sure he knows what makes the ladies swoon in an un-Disney way: “They lost control when they saw Jack Sparrow,” said the Sparrow lookalike. “This is a sexy, rock-star pirate.” So sorry ladies, if you’ve been saving up your bucks to get a cheap thrill by acting like a “Yo, ho! Yo, ho!” down at the Pirates ride, you’re out of luck. Of course, fellas, if you’d like to snag a Tinker Bell, there should be plenty down in Pixie Hollow…

Perhaps those sexy pirates could go down to the waters off of the Horn of Africa and try to take up with some real Somali pirates. We bet sex appeal is one weapon those Navy SEALs-trained security teams aren’t prepared for.

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