David Tepper’s recent profile in NYMag is awesome.
In it, we learn that the hedge fund man and billionaire plays with brass balls (“The most valuable pair in the world”) and fake boobs (one of their former clients makes breast implants), but best of all, he plays with people’s heads.
The profile is a bit like Chicken Soup for the Frat Guy’s Soul, filled with good-hearted arsehole stories about how Tepper seeks revenge on the former haters and how he messes with people who he just thinks it’ll be fun to $#% with now that he’s rich.
Witness what an expert Tepper is at screwing with people. Whether you need to get revenge on your boss, your parents, your ex, or Jessica Simpson once you’re a billionaire, Tepper provides an excellent model for how to get it done.
David Tepper’s Guide To Getting Revenge On _____ After You’re Rich, (stories thanks to NYMag)
How to get revenge on arseholes:
“If someone is an arsehole, like a waiter at a restaurant, I think, I could just buy this place and fire that guy.”
On your parents, through kids who write you asking you to pay for their college tuition:
“I’m gonna have somebody put together a form letter for that,” he says. “It’ll say something like, I’m going to give you a great gift. What I got: Nothing.”
On Jessica Simpson:
Five years ago, the Teppers hired Ashlee Simpson to sing at their daughter’s bat mitzvah.
On business school teachers who gave you a hard time and anyone who makes fun of your Elvis impression:
At Carnegie Mellon, the M.B.A. program [is now] called the David A. Tepper School of Business.
On Goldman Sachs:
After being passed over for partner a second year, Tepper quit.
On your ex:
His college buddy Roland Lazzaro aired a video tribute to his friend. One segment was called “Cindy Perl: Thanks for Nothing,” after Tepper’s high-school girlfriend.
“After a five-year relationship, she said to him, ‘David, I love you, but I don’t think you’re going to be able to support the lifestyle I want.’ ” She ended up marrying a dentist.
And finally, how to get perhaps the sweetest revenge of all, on your arsehole of a boss:
He happened to buy the exact $50 million mansion owned by the ex-wife of the man who had passed him over for partnership at Goldman Sachs, [Jon Corzine].