A matchmaker says one of the worst things you can do in a new relationship is text

Eugenio Marongiu / ShutterstockTexting and dating: Not a great match.
  • Dating couples often make the mistake of texting everything, instead of talking on the phone or simply meeting in person.
  • That’s according to Claudia Duran, a Miami-based matchmaker with Elite Connections.
  • Duran said the meaning of text messages can easily be misconstrued, and it can be hurtful when someone doesn’t text back right away.

Claudia Duran calls it “death by text.”

“Two people like each other and they’re a little scared and they’re a little hesitant,” she said. “And so they text everything.”

Duran is a Miami-based matchmaker with Elite Connections. She works with Miami’s affluent singles, and people who are clearly invested in finding a relationship: A basic six-month membership costs $US15,000 and a global membership (meaning you can meet people all over the world) costs at least $US75,000.

Death by text is something Duran has observed over and over again. “Text is wonderful for logistics,” she told me when we spoke by phone in July. But the meaning of a text message can also be easily “misconstrued.”

What’s more, Duran said, some people take offence if their partner takes a (seemingly) long time to text back.

Some research backs up Duran’s argument.

A 2013 study published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy found that men who frequently sent or received texts from their partner were less satisfied with the relationship – and their partners were, too. (On the other hand, women who texted their partner a lot said their relationship was more stable.)

The lead study author, marriage and family therapist Lori Schade, told NPR: “Maybe it was a way for them [men] to check out or not have to show up, by using their mobile phone instead.”

Duran encourages all her clients to either speak on the phone or meet up in person whenever possible. “Particularly when they start having feelings for each other,” she added. “It’s really important.”

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