The NYC woman who's getting paid $5,000 to fix clients' dating apps says millennials are the worst at flirting — and that's where 'ghost bantering' kicks in

Hero Images/Getty ImagesMillennials need help with flirting, says a dating app expert.
  • Older generations have nailed down one aspect of dating apps that millennials haven’t: flirting, according to Amy Nobile of New York City-based dating concierge service Love, Amy.
  • Because millennials grew up with technology and dislike phone calls, they don’t know to articulate flirting, Nobile told Business Insider.
  • They have also lost the art of flirting because they tend to talk about their jobs, making conversation transactional, she said.
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Millennials may know how to swipe, but they don’t know how to flirt.

That’s according to Amy Nobile, the 50-year-old founder of dating concierge service Love, Amy. Nobile founded the company in April 2019 as a side hustle, after finding “the love of her life” on Bumble post-divorce and helping her friends navigate their way through dating apps.

Seven months in, Nobile, whose rates will be $US1,750 a month for a three-month minimum starting January 2020, has transformed the New York City-based Love, Amy into a full-fledged business: She said she’s had 45 clients across the country, juggling six to seven at a time. From wardrobe consultations to photoshoots for dating app profiles, people of all genders, sexual orientations, and generations come to her for dating app help.

Nobile told Business Insider she mostly sees two types of clients. The first and biggest set consists of millennials who have prioritised their careers over relationships; the second is Gen X and baby boomer post-divorcees who are re-entering the dating world. Nobile said she’s picked up on one particular generational difference among them – and it’s not about learning how to use a dating app.

Older generations are “100% better” at flirting

“Older generations are 100% better at flirting,” she told Business Insider. “My millennial clients envy it.”

Ironically, technology has put millennials at a disadvantage when it comes to dating apps: Because they grew up with it, they don’t know how to flirt, Nobile said.

“It’s a very interesting thing,” she said. “Technology has become a primary source of communication, especially with the opposite sex. Millennials don’t like to talk on the phone; on text, it’s tough to flirt. They don’t know how to articulate it.”

Nobile helps them by “ghost bantering,” or taking over their dating apps and chatting for them. But she’s also teaching them how to flirt along the way so they can take these tools with them once they’re done working together.

“The flirting part is lost among millennials because they’re leading with their resumes,” she said, referring to millennials who focus on discussing their jobs on dating apps or dates. “It’s making conversation become a transitional dialogue. We need to go back to the old-fashioned way of flirting.”

The key to good flirting, Nobile said, is to do it not in a sexual way, but in a warm, charming, or validating way. And when it comes to dating openers, forget a general and obvious line like “Hey beautiful,” which can come off as insincere, she said. Instead, try Nobile’s go to: “Happy Tuesday!” (or whatever day of the week it may be). According to her, throwing out a paragraph can be too exhausting or needy – keep it simple and just say hi.

For baby boomers and Gen X, on the other hand, once they get the hang of using dating apps, “they are really good at bantering because they know how to do it,” she said.

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