This is how we imagine season 12 of “Dancing With the Stars” — which premieres tonight — got cobbled together.
DWTS producers: “Dancing, check. Stars…”
Then they got distracted by something — perhaps one of those sparkly costumes — and never got back to the task at hand.
How else to explain the strangely dull lineup of the ballroom competition show’s new contestants?
For the record, they are: actress Chelsea Kane, wrestler Chris Jericho, football player Hines Ward, reality star Kendra Wilkinson, actress Kirstie Alley, radio host Mike Catherwood, model Petra Nemcova, actor Ralph Macchio, singer Romeo, boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard, and talk show queen Wendy Williams.
It’s not that they aren’t celebrities. In fact, unlike many DWTS alums, several of them have earned their fame through legitimate talents. Ward has two Superbowl rings, for crying out loud.
The problem is that not a single contestant is a surefire ratings draw, the kind of outrageous, uninhibited, polarising figure that guarantees a certain number of tune-ins.
Last season, DWTS had David Hasselhoff, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, and Bristol Palin. That’s a tabloid trifecta — and it underscores the lackluster nature of this season’s cast.
But it’s too late for coulda-woulda-shoulda (Dina Lohan doesn’t look like such a bad idea now, huh?).
All ABC can do is pray that Wilkinson and Williams feud, Alley proclaims the show a life-changing health benefit, and Macchio makes America fall in love with him all over again.
Otherwise, they’re in distinct danger of a ratings dive — right on the heels of the lowest-rated “Bachelor” season in years.
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