Photo: Bloomberg TV screenshot
Cliff Asness, the founder of hedge fund AQR Capital Management, has a fascinating glossary in unalphabetical order of random terms called “Some Useful Definitions for Understanding Our Modern Progressive World”, Dealbreaker first reported.The quant points out in the footnote that the definitions are “written sarcastically as a faux left-winger, some just conservative/libertarian interpretations of what the left really means.”
Check out some samples below [.PDF]:
Definition: Something a politicians calls someone with 3x more money than the median voter who
supported the politician in question.
Alternative Definition: Someone the same exact politician hits up for cash.
Definition: Those who pay more than 1/3 the total federal income tax and are never thanked for it. More generally, they are responsible for all evil in the world today (unless they work in Hollywood or hitech in which case they are “honorary 99%-ers” regardless of income, tax rate, and lifestyle)
Definition: A delicious breakfast treat that goes well with English Breakfast tea and clotted crème.
Conservatives prefer theirs in the traditional 9 pack, liberals enjoy up to 15.
Definition: An “Elizabeth Warren” is any brilliant scholar who both thinks we can fix the U.S. financial system simply by adding another giant bureaucracy with near unlimited power, and who can, by dancing vigorously in a circle, make it rain. Both equally as likely.
Cash for Clunkers
Definition: What we came up to replace World War II as stimulus. Many perfectly good cars destroyed, no Nazis defeated.
Definition: The act of printing pieces of paper to purchase other pieces of paper and thinking it matters
at all for anything. See “dogs chasing cars” for related examples.
Definition: Both a character once played by Marlon Brando and coincidentally the fictional character Al Gore pictures himself as. Nobody listened to Jor-El and look what happened! A fascinating additional coincidence is that when Brando was alive, Marlon and Al alone actually omitted ¼ of the USA’s greenhouse gases.