Chris Rock opened Sunday’s BET Awards with an 8-minute monologue mocking everyone from Donald Sterling to Jay Z.
After calling the BET Awards “The Black World Cup,” Rock said, “Tonight you’re going to see something you never see — “black artists getting credit for something they created.”
Rock then recapped some of the year’s biggest entertainment stories:
1. Solange v. Jay Z:
“Solange hit the right rapper. Jay’s a businessman now, he can’t just go punching girls in the face — he’s got a meeting with Nabisco in the morning. She hit ‘Blueprint 3’ Jay Z, because if she hit ‘Reasonable Doubt’ Jay Z, that elevator would have been filled with lipstick, blood, and weave.”
2. De. Dre’s $3 billion deal to sell Beats Electronics to Apple:
“Dr. Dre got $US3 billion. The man who made ‘The Chronic’ made $US3 billion! The man who started NWA got $US3 billion! It looks like the west coast won, sorry Puff.”
3. Hit TV show “Scandal”:
“A lot of people think ‘Scandal’ is a hit because of Kerry Washington — and she’s great in it — but the real reason that ‘Scandal’s’ a hit is because every Thursday at 10 o’clock there’s a white president. Like for one hour, everything is back to normal.”
4. Oprah in the Oscar-nominated movie “The Butler”:
“Oprah Winfrey should have gotten an Oscar for that role because she had to act like she was poor. There was one scene where she was stirring a pot of food for her man. You know they had to get specialists in to help her with that — had to show her what a spatula was — she thought it was a money flipper!”
5. Donald Sterling:
“Now let me get this straight: an 83-year-old white man doesn’t like black people. Is that news? First of all, a black man couldn’t look him in the eye until he was 45. The first black person he even met he got for Christmas.
… Don’t make me defend Donald Sterling, [but] what exactly did he say? ‘I don’t want my woman around black basketball players.’ Me neither! Are you kidding me? Who the hell wants their woman around black basketball players?”
Watch the full monologue below:
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