- Getting over a breakup can be hard enough, without any other obstacles.
- INSIDER consulted a relationship expert to find out what things you should avoid if you’re trying to get over an ex.
- Your social circle, social media, and ruminating on the past all make it a lot harder to get over a breakup.
Getting over a breakup can be hard, especially when there are added factors making it more difficult to move on. Oftentimes, however, there are things you can avoid that will make getting over your ex a lot easier.
You and your ex are in the same social circle.
Friends oftentimes make getting over your ex worse without even realising it. “The number one thing that comes to mind is a social circle,” Sassoon said. “The longer you’re together, the more you have friends together, and it’s so annoying when your friends say, ‘Did you see Steve? He’s there, or here, or here’s who he’s hanging out with.'”
“Depending on how tight you were as a couple, [sometimes] you can’t even go to a [friend’s] party because he’s gonna be there,” Sassoon added.
You keep seeing their posts on social media.
“Social media in today’s day and age is also a nightmare when you’re trying to heal from a breakup,” Sassoon said. “Because you don’t want to see that stuff.” Most of the time it’s better to unfollow your ex on social media or take a break, so you can take the time to really get away from them.
You’re getting stuck in your own insecurity.
“It depends on who broke up with who,” Sassoon said. She said oftentimes if you were the one broken up with, you’re thinking, “‘Am I ever gonna find someone who’s gonna treat me like that [again]?'”
“If you didn’t end the relationship,” Sassoon said, it can be easy to doubt yourself, whereas the person who did the breaking up is thinking, “‘I really have to do this for my own sanity, because I don’t like the person I’m becoming with this person.'” It’s important to remember your self-worth, and that sometimes two people just don’t work out.
You’re still talking to your ex.
“Continuing to text them and meet up with them,” Sassoon said, is definitely going to make it harder to move on. Because then there’s also what Sassoon calls “the sex factor.”
“What are you supposed to do? Do you actually want to know about the person? That’s just unhealthy unless you’ve both moved on and really feel like you can be friends,” Sassoon explained. If you haven’t fully moved on, there’s always going to be the tension of “the sex factor,” or the possibility of hooking up again because you still have an attachment to each other.
You’re refusing to date or see anyone else.
“It always takes someone to get over someone else,” Sassoon said. “Yes we all need to look inside ourselves and see what we could do better, but I think that when you’re really fixated on someone, the last person is automatically the one you think about.”
“When you find a new person, you’re not thinking about that [previous] person anymore. It really does take another person to get over your ex,” she added.
You’re keeping the gifts your ex gave you.
If you keep mementos of your relationship around, you’re just going to be reminded of the good times you had together. It’s almost always better to throw away (or sell) everything your ex gave you, so you have less that reminds you of them, and are also able to have a fresh start completely apart from them.
You’re refusing to get better.
“It’s not a problem to take time for yourself, as long as you surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself,” Sassoon said. “Sometimes you need comfort and to be surrounded by your own people, and it’s going to take time to heal and trust another person.”
But, Sassoon said, you need to “look inside yourself to say, ‘Was I my best self?’ Unless you’re introspective, you’re not going to grow or get better … Don’t get fixated or obsessed, but why not be the best version of you for the next relationship.”
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