How to do the steamy butterfly sex position and 4 tips to make it feel even better

Butterfly sex position
The butterfly sex position can be modified for all types of relationships. Ratnakorn Piyasirisorost/Getty Images
  • The butterfly sex position is like missionary, except one partner stands at the edge of the bed.
  • The partner being penetrated can rest their ankles on their partner’s shoulders to make it sexier.
  • You can try adding toys or using pillows to align your genitals for more stimulation.
  • Visit Insider’s Health Reference library for more advice.

If you’ve had enough of the missionary position and are looking for something similar but steamier, the butterfly sex position may be right for you.

This position allows for maximum pleasure without being too athletic, making it accessible to many. Not to mention, it can work for all genders.

How to do the butterfly sex position

The butterfly sex position is great for people with different sexual preferences, since the penetrating partner can have either a penis or a dildo, and they can penetrate either the vagina or the anus, says Jordan Rullo, PhD, certified sex therapist with health app Flo.

Here’s how to do to the butterfly sex position step by step:

  1. The partner being penetrated lies down on the bed facing the ceiling, with their butt at the edge of the bed.
  2. The penetrating partner stands upright at the edge of the bed, so that their penis or dildo can easily enter their partner’s vagina or anus.
  3. The partner being penetrated puts their legs straight up in a V-shape, resting their calves or ankles (depending on height) on their partner’s shoulders.

Rullo says this position is popular for good reason. First, it allows for deep penetration, which can feel great for both partners. Deep penetration can lend itself to cervical/A-Spot orgasms, if the partner being penetrated has a vagina.

Related Article Module: Sex therapists share the 6 best-of-the-best sex positions for maximum pleasureFurthermore, Rullo says this position isn’t taxing on either partner’s body, since neither is carrying their partner’s weight, or putting all their weight onto their partner. Plus, variations of the positions can make this move work regardless of how flexible you are.

Tips for maximizing pleasure during the butterfly sex position

The butterfly sex position should feel great on its own, but there’s always room for even more pleasure. Rullo recommends amping up the pleasure by:

  1. Communicating: While you should always feel free to communicate during sex, it’s especially important when trying new positions. “If the penetration is too deep, if your hips ache, if you’re getting a muscle cramp from thrusting — tell your partner. This position will be much more pleasurable if both partners are comfortable and pain free,” says Rullo.
  2. Using sex toys: Incorporating toys, like vibrators, can increase pleasure. For example, if the partner being penetrated has a vulva, they can use a vibrator on their clitoris during sex.
  3. Using pillows or wedges: If you’re having trouble getting comfortable or aligning your genitals properly, putting a pillow or wedge under the butt of the partner being penetrated can help. More comfort equals more pleasure. Plus, this can help you explore different angles of penetration.
  4. Stimulating other erogenous zones: The penetrating partner has a chance to add external stimulation into the mix. For example, they can reach down and stimulate their partners breasts and nipples. Or, if the partner being penetrated has a penis, the penetrating partner can stimulate their partner’s penis while also penetrating their anus.

Butterfly sex position variations

Feel free to make the butterfly position your own. You don’t always have to follow sex position instructions to a “T.” Here are a few variations that Rullo suggests:

  1. Kneel: Instead of standing, the penetrating partner can try kneeling. Both partners can start on the bed, and the kneeling penetrating partner lifts up the hips of their partner so their pelvises are aligned.
  2. Try out different leg positions: If the partner being penetrated isn’t flexible enough to put their legs straight up on their partner’s shoulders, they can instead bring their knees into their chest, up towards their own shoulders. Have fun experimenting with different leg positions and see what works best for your body.
  3. Turn sideways: This is an option for those less flexible, or those who simply want to change things up. The partner being penetrated can lie on their side in a spooning position, and then the penetrating partner can penetrate head-on, resulting in different sensations.

Insider’s takeaway

The butterfly is a sexy position that’s fairly easy to execute and not too physically taxing. Plus, it’s a very inclusive position, since it can work regardless of the anatomy of both partners.

Give it a try next time you’re getting intimate with your partner, and don’t hesitate to use props like sex toys or pillows. Experiment with different variations of the position to find what feels best and sends you and your partner flying.

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