Bill Gross Does Not Want To Come To Your Cocktail Party

We were this close to running this as our Chart of the Day today.

It’s from PIMCO chief Bill Gross’ latest letter:

bill gross

Photo: PIMCO

He adds:

During that unbearable minute-and-a-half, however, you’re likely to have covered some of the following topics:

  1. Where are you from? (If it’s not a place where I’ve been or have a distant second cousin – don’t care.)
  2. How’s the family? (If Johnnie is in advanced placement courses and my kids aren’t – don’t care. Don’t care about your kids’ soccer games either or that upcoming wedding.)
  3. Medical problems. (Unless you’re dying from cancer – don’t care. Your artificial hip and kidney stone stories are important only to let me tell you about mine.)
  4. How’s work? (Forgot where you work, but it’s a good lead in. Don’t really care though unless you can direct some business my way.)
  5. Can you believe Tiger? (Now there’s something I care about, but the wife is only five feet away.)

Actually, the “afterparty” is the best party of all – driving home with your partner and dissing all of the guests. Still, give me a home where Seinfeld roams, I suppose. Boring is better – cocktail parties are so 1990s.

In contrast to those cocktail parties, I’ve got so much to say in this Investment Outlook that I don’t know where to start. Don’t be lookin’ around for something more important though, like you do at a cocktail party; I need your undivided attention for the full 90 seconds allotted me.

We covered his investment outlook earlier here.

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