Why saying no to a second date could be sabotaging your love life

ShutterstockEscaping a bad date is never easy.
  • More young people than ever before are now single, and while for some this is a choice, others are struggling to find love.
  • Dating apps are often blamed for the rise of “hook-up culture” and thus the decline of commitment, but this may not be the case.
  • According to The Inner Circle founder David Vermeulen the main mistake singletons make is expecting love at first sight and discarding someone after a first date, when in reality we should give people a second chance.

Being single has never had less of a stigma attached to it than it does today.

Looking at the UK, over half of Brits aged 25-44 are now single, and millennials all over the world are choosing to marry later than previous generations.

But despite the fact that many of us are single by choice, plenty of others are trying – and struggling – to find “the one.”

Some people blame millennials’ apparent inability to settle down on dating app culture – after all, when someone “better” might be just a swipe away, why would you commit to just one person?

This is called the “paradox of choice,” which makes us believe the grass is always greener on the other side.


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You might still be single because of something called the ‘paradox of choice’ – here’s what it means

According to a dating expert, there’s one main thing many of us are doing wrong in our quest to find love: writing a potential suitor off after just one date.

Thanks to romantic novels and rom-coms, lots of people expect to be swept off their feet or feel love at first sight on a first date. If they don’t, they don’t bother pursuing things with that person.

But this is largely unrealistic, and expecting there to be fireworks from the start is where many singletons are going wrong.

“That’s only in the movies,” David Vermeulen, founder of elite dating app The Inner Circle, told INSIDER. “Some people are really uncomfortable the first time they see somebody. You have to sell yourself in a way. Some people can do it really well, and some people can’t, but at the same time they’re obviously a nice person.

“You have to look through it and if you believe it could potentially work, I always say you should go for a second date and see how it goes.”

Vermeulen believes you should always give someone a second chance – unless the first date was completely awful.

That doesn’t mean you’ll never feel a sizzling spark upon meeting someone new, though.

“Of course you might feel fireworks if you’re really lucky,” Vermeulen says. “But it’s not always going to happen. You have to be really lucky. That’s how I see it.”


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5 pieces of dating advice that are actually ruining your chances of finding love

He also believes it’s essential to put some thought into planning a first date.

“I tell everybody you have to put some effort into it,” Vermeulen says. “You have to think of somewhere nice instead of a Starbucks. You don’t have to go for a big dinner, but if you know this person works, for example, in Shoreditch [east London], don’t meet up near your place if you live in Notting Hill [west London].”

And when you’re there, be interesting and interested, but don’t judge your date too harshly.

“On a first date show interest in each other,” Vermeulen advises. “It doesn’t always work like in the movies, like love at first sight. Some people are a little bit nervous the first time so give them a second chance.”

True love could be just two dates away.

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