From smoking a ‘peace pipe’ with the North Koreans to Jared Kushner getting stuck in security — here are Trump’s best jokes from his roast at the Gridiron dinner

  • The Gridiron Club and Foundation, a charitable journalistic organisation, hosted its 133rd anniversary dinner at The Renaissance Washington Hotel on Saturday.
  • President Donald Trump gave a joke-filled speech to members of the press and many top members of his administration who were in attendance.
  • Here are the best jokes from Trump’s speech, according to the White House pool report compiled by Yahoo News correspondent Hunter Walker.

On senior adviser and son-in-law Jared Kushner losing his security clearance: “Before I get started, I wanted to apologise for arriving a little bit late. You know, we were late tonight because Jared could not get through security. … Ivanka, you’ve got to do something.”

On the slew of news and scandals: “It’s been really another calm week at the White House. We finally have it running like a fine-tuned machine.”

On Vice President Mike Pence’s sense of humour:“Some of you may think that Mike is not a comedian, but he is one of the best straight men you’re ever going to meet. … He is straight!”

On Pence’s morning habits: “He’s showing a particularly keen interest in the news these days. He starts out each morning asking everybody, ‘Has he been impeached yet?'”

On Attorney General Jeff Sessions: “Attorney General Sessions is here with us tonight. … I offered him a ride over and he recused himself. … But that’s OK.”

On former White House strategist Steve Bannon:“CNN, it lost a tremendous amount of credibility this year, but they also lost one of their true stars, the guy who got you the most scoops, inside info … your really very best reporter. There was nobody like him – Steve Bannon. That guy leaked more than the Titanic.”

On former aide Omarosa Manigault: “Somehow, we’re still doing great even without Omarosa. … By the way, I always knew, someday, you’re going to fire her. Is that the worst? By the way, Omarosa, you’re the worst!”

On White House turnover: “So many people have been leaving the White House. It’s actually been really exciting and invigorating. … I like turnover. I like chaos. It really is good. Now the question everyone keeps asking is, ‘Who’s going to be the next to leave? Steve Miller or Melania?’ … That is terrible honey, but you love me, right? … I wont tell you what she said. … She said, ‘Behave.'”

On the #FreeMelania hashtag about first lady Melania Trump: “I just don’t understand why everyone on the internet and in the media keeps screaming, ‘Hashtag Free Melania.’ Free Melania. … Like a number one hashtag. Free Melania. She’s actually having a great time.”

On House minority leader Nancy Pelosi: “Build the wall! Nancy Pelosi has been trying to come up with a line that’s equal. And her line that she announced last week is, ‘Mow The Grass!’ It doesn’t work. … Mow the frickin’ grass. … That’s going to stop MS-13. … Mow that frickin’ grass! … Man, she’s crazy, but she’s a fine woman. She is. I actually like Nancy Pelosi.”

On former Vice President Joe Biden’s potential 2020 bid: “There’s talk about Joe Biden, Sleepy Joe, getting into the race. You know what he said, ‘I want to take him behind the barn.’ … Just trust me, I would kick his arse. … Boy, would he be easy.”

On the North Korean conflict and Sen. Elizabeth Warren: “She said that Rex Tillerson and I should sit down with the leaders of Iran and North Korea and smoke a peace pipe. … I didn’t like that Pocahontas.”

On the Republican tax law: “Melania is even getting some major benefits from it. She can finally claim me as an adult dependent.”

On his abundant Twitter use: “If I didn’t have Twitter how would Gen. [chief of staff John] Kelly and Gen. [national security adviser H.R.] McMaster know what it is that they’re supposed to say that day. They wouldn’t know. They’d have no idea.”

On his media habits: “I better wrap it up. I have to be up early tomorrow morning – six o’clock – to be listening to Fox and Friends. … But I do want to say this is one of the best times I can ever remember having with the media. This might be the most fun I’ve had since watching your faces on election night.”