Did you hear?
PRESIDENT OBAMA PROVED HE WAS FROM AMERICA!!!
Even Jon Stewart was impressed.
“Ladies and gentlemen, at 9:02 East Coast Elitest time, Barack Obama released a copy of his long-form birth certificate,” the Daily Show host said on Wednesday night.
The news agencies went into overload at the surprise announcement.
Cue footage of the 24-hour news organisations in “Def Chyron 1,” in which anchors from multiple networks discussed the “bombshell” that the President was born in the United States.
Stewart raised a solid point.
“I don’t want to nit-pick, but wouldn’t the bombshell have him not being from America?,” he said. “Isn’t this one more of a non-shell?”
Of course, some people believe the document is a forgery. How can we finally put this matter to rest once and for all?
Senior White House correspondent Jason Jones has a (gross) solution.
“Why can’t I taste the blood from his umbilical cord?” Jones asked. “Barack Obama could put this whole thing to rest by just releasing the cord blood. Where’s the blood, Jon?”