Heavy workload led to high coffee intake, which led to bladder problems, which led to…
Here Is The City: I was fired recently because, essentially, I was spending too much time away from my desk, and not enough time behind it working. Strange, when you consider that I have spent the last year-and-a-half slogging into the office for a 7.15am start, and often worked through lunch and finished well after 9pm!
I do, however, have a minor medical problem – I developed a weak bladder over the last 18 months or so due to far too much coffee intake each day. And why, you ask, did I drink too much coffee ? Well, I needed the caffeine to keep me sharp throughout the day to get through all the work that my boss took sadistic pleasure in dumping on me…
It was the coffee that did it, of course. It was both my salvation and the ultimate cause of my demise. I found I needed more and more to keep me on the top of my game, but it had somewhat obvious side effects – I probably had to take a pee every hour or so. And my boss soon clocked my weakness and went on the attack.
At first I thought I could handle it, but it got serious when he started using a stopwatch to track my movements (literally). Soon, every time I went to the toilet, he followed me. And it got really embarrassing, as some of my work colleagues clearly began to think that something unseemly was going on! It started to get to me, and I tried to stop going to the toilet as often – but that just became hugely uncomfortable, and I found that it distracted me from doing my work. He had got me on the run, and was winning the psychological war. I went to see my doctor, and he told me to just stop drinking coffee. But I knew that if I did, I’d drown under the sea of work my boss was piling up on top of me. In the end, I cracked. To my undying shame, I did the unthinkable. When my boss followed me into the toilet that very last time, I turned round and urinated all over his designer shoes. I was fired later that day.
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