Astounding ‘Facts’ About Google’s Most Badass Engineer, Jeff Dean

Google engineer Jeff Dean

[credit provider=”Niall Kennedy” url=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/niallkennedy/1376986899/”]

Forget Larry and Sergey: At the Googleplex in Mountain View, California, the real celebrity engineer is Jeff Dean.Consider this story Googler Heej Jones told on Quora: 

“Before my first day at Google, a mutual friend introduced [me to Jeff] over email. So during my first week, I pinged him to grab lunch.

At the time, I had no idea who he was or anything about his stature at Google. I did notice during that first lunch, however, that people were staring at him from several tables over, while others would whisper something as they passed by our table.

As I began to cultivate more engineer friends, I came to know more about his “legend”; one such friend once exclaimed, “You had lunch with Jeff Dean?!” 

Dean is such a star because Googlers widely credit his code for the blazing speed of Google search.

How deep does this adoration go?

You know those Chuck Norris jokes called “Chuck Norris Facts“? 

Like: “Chuck Norris doesn’t wash dishes, they wet themselves out of fear” or “Chuck Norris is not allowed on commercial flights because his fists are considered deadly weapons“?

Well, over on Quora, there’s a bunch of “Jeff Dean Facts,” written by Googlers and ex-Googlers who love their hero.

They’re pretty funny – if you understand software engineers and their sense of humour.

Because we don’t always, we asked Business Insider chief architect, Pax Dickinson, to help translate the jokes for the rest of us.

[slideshow]
[slide
permalink=”compilers-dont-warn-jeff-dean-jeff-dean-warns-compilers-1″
title=”Compilers don’t warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers.”
content=”Joke by: Christopher Lin
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[slide
permalink=”pax-compilers-warn-you-when-your-code-is-doing-something-that-isnt-an-error-but-might-not-be-correct-jeff-knows-better-than-the-compiler-2″
title=”Pax: “Compilers warn you when your code is doing something that isn’t an error but might not be correct. Jeff knows better than the compiler.””
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[slide
permalink=”jeff-dean-builds-his-code-before-committing-it-but-only-to-check-for-compiler-and-linker-bugs-3″
title=”Jeff Dean builds his code before committing it, but only to check for compiler and linker bugs.”
content=”Joke by: Christopher Lin



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[slide
permalink=”pax-jeffs-code-can-never-be-wrong-so-he-compiles-it-only-to-ensure-that-the-compiler-and-linker-are-free-from-bugs-4″
title=”Pax: “Jeff’s code can never be wrong, so he compiles it only to ensure that the compiler and linker are free from bugs.””
content=””
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[slide
permalink=”jeff-dean-puts-his-pants-on-one-leg-at-a-time-but-if-he-had-more-legs-you-would-see-that-his-approach-is-olog-n-5″
title=”Jeff Dean puts his pants on one leg at a time, but if he had more legs, you would see that his approach is O(log n).”
content=”

Joke by: Josh Wills
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0e369bedda677000000/image.jpg”
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[slide
permalink=”pax-jeffs-pants-wearing-algorithm-scales-logarithmically-rather-than-linearly-so-hed-spend-less-time-dressing-per-leg-the-more-legs-he-had-6″
title=”Pax: “Jeff’s pants-wearing algorithm scales logarithmically rather than linearly, so he’d spend less time dressing per leg the more legs he had.””
content=””
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0faecad04e20b00002c/image.jpg”
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[slide
permalink=”when-he-heard-that-jeff-deans-autobiography-would-be-exclusive-to-the-platform-richard-stallman-bought-a-kindle-7″
title=”When he heard that Jeff Dean’s autobiography would be exclusive to the platform, Richard Stallman bought a Kindle.”
content=”

image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0e369bedda677000000/image.jpg”
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[slide
permalink=”pax-richard-stallman-is-famously-rabidly-against-any-non-free-software-and-would-never-ever-purchase-or-use-a-kindle-but-jeff-dean-is-so-interesting-hed-violate-all-his-principles-to-read-his-autobiography-8″
title=”Pax: “Richard Stallman is famously rabidly against any non-free software, and would never ever purchase or use a Kindle. But Jeff Dean is so interesting, he’d violate all his principles [to read his autobiography].””
content=””
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0faecad04e20b00002c/image.jpg”
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[slide
permalink=”jeff-dean-writes-directly-in-binary-he-then-writes-the-source-code-as-a-documentation-for-other-developers-9″
title=”Jeff Dean writes directly in binary. He then writes the source code as a documentation for other developers.”
content=”Joke by: Kevin Goslar
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0e369bedda677000000/image.jpg”
caption=””
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]
[slide
permalink=”pax-all-code-is-electronically-compiled-into-a-binary-representation-before-its-executed-and-jeff-is-so-good-he-can-code-directly-to-that-representation-and-only-writes-source-code-so-mere-human-programmers-can-understand-how-it-works-10″
title=”Pax: “All code is [electronically] compiled into a binary representation before it’s executed, and Jeff is so good he can code directly to that representation, and only writes source code so mere human programmers can understand how it works.””
content=””
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0faecad04e20b00002c/image.jpg”
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]
[slide
permalink=”during-his-own-google-interview-jeff-dean-was-asked-the-implications-if-pnp-were-true-he-said-p–0-or-n–1-then-before-the-interviewer-had-even-finished-laughing-jeff-examined-googles-public-certificate-and-wrote-the-private-key-on-the-whiteboard-11″
title=”During his own Google interview, Jeff Dean was asked the implications if P=NP were true. He said, “P = 0 or N = 1.” Then, before the interviewer had even finished laughing, Jeff examined Google’s public certificate and wrote the private key on the whiteboard.”
content=”Joke by: Christopher Lin
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0e369bedda677000000/image.jpg”
caption=””
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credit_href=””
]
[slide
permalink=”pax-p-vs-np-is-the-most-famous-unsolved-problem-in-computer-science-but-jeff-treats-it-as-a-straight-up-algebra-problem-then-he-derives-googles-private-key-from-their-public-certificate-in-his-head-which-is-impossible-even-for-a-supercomputer-12″
title=”Pax: “P vs. NP is the most famous unsolved problem in computer science, but Jeff treats it as a straight up algebra problem. Then he derives google’s private key from their public certificate in his head, which is impossible even for a supercomputer.””
content=””
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0faecad04e20b00002c/image.jpg”
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]
[slide
permalink=”the-x86-64-spec-includes-several-undocumented-instructions-marked-private-use-they-are-actually-for-jeff-deans-use-13″
title=”The x86-64 spec includes several undocumented instructions marked ‘private use.’ They are actually for Jeff Dean’s use.”
content=”

image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0e369bedda677000000/image.jpg”
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]
[slide
permalink=”pax-private-undocumented-cpu-instructions-arent-supposed-to-be-used-by-anyone-but-these-rules-dont-apply-to-jeff-14″
title=”Pax: “Private undocumented CPU instructions aren’t supposed to be used by anyone, but these rules don’t apply to Jeff.””
content=””
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0faecad04e20b00002c/image.jpg”
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]
[slide
permalink=”when-jeff-dean-has-an-ergonomic-evaluation-it-is-for-the-protection-of-his-keyboard-15″
title=”When Jeff Dean has an ergonomic evaluation, it is for the protection of his keyboard.”
content=”Joke by: Christopher Lin



image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0e369bedda677000000/image.jpg”
caption=””
credit=””
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]
[slide
permalink=”pax-usually-ergonomic-evaluation-corrects-your-posture-for-your-health-but-jeffs-is-for-his-keyboards-health-because-hes-so-badass-16″
title=”Pax: “Usually ergonomic evaluation corrects your posture for your health, but Jeff’s is for his keyboard’s health because he’s so badass.””
content=””
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0faecad04e20b00002c/image.jpg”
caption=””
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]
[slide
permalink=”all-pointers-point-to-jeff-dean-17″
title=”All pointers point to Jeff Dean.”
content=”

image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0e369bedda677000000/image.jpg”
caption=””
credit=””
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]
[slide
permalink=”pax-pointers-are-c-variables-that-point-to-a-memory-location-theyre-a-core-element-of-c-coding-jeff-is-the-center-of-the-programming-universe-18″
title=”Pax: “Pointers are C variables that point to a memory location, they’re a core element of C coding. Jeff is the centre of the programming universe.””
content=””
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0faecad04e20b00002c/image.jpg”
caption=””
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]
[slide
permalink=”the-rate-at-which-jeff-dean-produces-code-jumped-by-a-factor-of-40-in-late-2000-when-he-upgraded-his-keyboard-to-usb-20-19″
title=”The rate at which Jeff Dean produces code jumped by a factor of 40 in late 2000 when he upgraded his keyboard to USB 2.0″
content=”Joke by: Christopher Lin



image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0e369bedda677000000/image.jpg”
caption=””
credit=””
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]
[slide
permalink=”pax-deans-coding-was-slowed-down-by-the-speed-of-the-interface-between-his-keyboard-and-his-computer-20″
title=”Pax: Dean’s coding was slowed down by the speed of the interface between his keyboard and his computer.”
content=””
image=”http://static.businessinsider.com/image/4f1ee0faecad04e20b00002c/image.jpg”
caption=””
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]
[/slideshow]