New Jersey: The Most Beautiful Place On Earth

This was sent to me in an email chain….


August 15 –
Moved to a new home in Jersey. It’s so beautiful here.
The lake to the north looks so majestic.
I can hardly wait to see it snow covered.
I’m going to love it here.

October 14 –
New Jersey is definitely the most beautiful place on earth.
The leaves have turned all the colours and shades of red and orange.
Went for a ride through the park and saw some  deer. They are so graceful.
Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth.
This must be paradise, I LOVE IT HERE.

November  10 –
Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a
gorgeous animal,
hope it will snow soon. I love it here.
Those red and orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks like a magnificent
multi-coloured carpet. HOW BEAUTIFUL. Raking and cleaning up the yard will be
an opportunity for invigorating exercise in the cool crisp air.

November  15 –
Ah, more leaves and more exercise.

November  18 –
Jesus, still more leaves. Guess it’s best to wait until they’ve all fallen
before I rake again.

November  25 –
Finally, all of the trees lost their leaves and today’s final raking it’s
over for this season.
Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next year.
Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to use gloves.

November  30 –
What the f–k? Where did all of those leaves come from?
A little wind last night and the lawn is covered again.
Oh well, they’ll just have to wait until spring.

December  12 –
It snowed last night, FINALLY. Woke up to find everything blanketed in
white. It looks like a postcard.
We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the
driveway. Had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by and we
had to shovel the end of the driveway again.
What a beautiful place. I Love Jersey

December  14 –
More snow last night, I love it. The snowplow did his trick to the driveway
I Love it here.

December 19 –
More snow again last night. Can’t get out of the driveway to get to work.
I’m exhausted from shoveling. F—ing snowplow.

December 22 –
More of that white sh-t fell again last night. As if dealing with the leaves
weren’t bad enough, now I’ve got blisters all over my hands from shoveling,
must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow hides around the corner
and waits until I’m finished shoveling the driveway. The a–hole.

December  25 –
Merry Christmas.  
More frigging snow. If I ever get my  hands on that son-of-a-bitch who
drives the snowplow.
I swear I’ll kill the bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on
the roads to melt the f—ing ice.

December  27 –
More white sh-t last night. Have been inside for three days except for
shoveling out the driveway after that plow goes through every time.
F—ing gloves got wet and then froze on my hands.  Doctor said it was just
a mild case of frostbite, disfiguration is probably only temporary.
Can’t go anywhere, car is stuck in a mountain of white sh-t. The weatherman
says to expect another 10 inches of the sh-t tonight. Do you know how many
shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
December  28 –
The f—ing weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white sh-t. At
this rate it won’t melt ’till summer.
The plow got stuck up the road and the bastard came to the door and asked to
borrow a shovel. After I told him I’d already broken six of them shoveling
all the sh-t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one on his
f—ing head.

January  4 –  
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the
way back I hit a damned deer that ran in front of my car.
Did about $3000 damage. F—ing beast should be killed. Wish the hunters had
killed them all last November.
May 3 –  
Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from all the
f—ing salt they put all over the roads.
May 10 –
Moved to The Villages in Florida .
I can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that
God-forsaken state of New Jersey 

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