Don't Sign Up For This Credit Card Unless You're Seriously Rich

jamie dimon chicago house

And I thought my Chase Sapphire credit card (full review here) was hot stuff… Turns out, the seriously rich use something else altogether…

Move over, American Express Black Card. Make room for JPMorgan’s new credit card, which is literally “crafted” out of the rare earth metal palladium.

As the Forbes MoneyBuilder blog reported, “Recently, JPMorgan has decided to step into the realm of the ultra-rich as well, with the Palladium Card (since titanium would just be gauche). Very few details have been unveiled about the card, except that it is offered only to their private banking clients, who have on average $30 million in assets held at the firm.”

The mysterious information page about Palladium over on JPMorgan’s site offers more details: it’s a VISA Signature card (of course), your signature is “etched into the palladium metal with precision lasering” along with your account information. It looks beautiful.

The credit card has a dedicated service team “expertly trained in the needs of our most discerning clients.” Mid-flight Gulfstream jet refueling over foreign air space, dinner with a Victoria’s Secret model, a flight into suborbital space courtesy of Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic — at least in my imagination, where I am very discerning, all of these basic needs could be fulfilled with ease.

So there you go. Now your life should have a renewed sense of meaning, and spiritual purpose: to make and save enough money to be offered a Palladium card.

View more credit card news and promotions over on Outlaw.

Disclosures: I used to review credit cards for a living. Also, my web site has a financial relationship with Chase — we participate in their affiliate program. No financial relationship or position on Visa Inc, American Express, Virgin or any other company mentioned in this story at time of publication.

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