9 Wall Street Interview Nightmare Stories That Will Embarrass You As You Read

Confused monkey

Internship recruiting season is nigh at colleges across the U.S.

Nerves are high around campus as prospective interns review the correct way to value companies or practice a stock pitch, but to take that edge off, Clusterstock has compiled some of the most embarrassing, awkward and hilarious stories from the job application process with Wall Street firms.

Think you flubbed that interview? Think again after you read these.

Oops! Not the job I wanted.

One prospective employee with an engineering background interviewed with a hedge fund, saying he was hoping to get into 'business.' Barely 5 minutes into the talk, the recruiter informed the interviewee that the job was 'support work' for traders. He promptly ended the interview and left.

Source: Mergers & Inquisitions

A video application makes student laughingstock of the Internet.

Dr. Douchewell by MemesInYourFace

Yale student Aleksey Vayner applied for a job at UBS with a video titled 'Impossible Is Nothing' in 2006. The video was over 6 minutes long, consisted of Vayner talking about achieving success in life alongside a video montage backdrop of him playing tennis, latin dancing and karate chopping a pile of bricks.

When the recruiters at UBS received the video, they passed it along to acquaintances at other banks and the video went viral. There are now image memes and video spoofs all across the Internet of Vayner's video.

View the video application here.

Source: Know Your Meme, Wiki

Dropping a resume off battered and bloodied after getting into a bike accident.

Activist investor Bob Chapman of Chapman Capital is often credited with inventing the piercing, sometimes nasty letters that denote an activist investor. (Dan Loeb of Third Point was allegedly inspired by Chapman to take up his own poison pen).

But Chapman is also well-known for how he got his start at Salomon Brothers in the 1980s. On his way to personally drop off his resume for Salomon's summer banking associate job in their San Francisco office, he crashed his bike into a car and flew through the air. Afterwards, he requested to be taken to Salomon's offices so he could drop off his resume.

He then showed up at Salomon's office with a ripped suit, glass in his hair and a bandaged thumb that was gushing blood.

He got the job.

Source: Dealbreaker

A business school professor told Business Insider that when he interviewed with Goldman Sachs in his younger days, he was so nervous that he told the interviewer Hawaii was very 'erotic' instead of 'exotic' when asked about his time living on the tropical islands.

When the interviewer stopped the interview and asked him to repeat the answer, he said 'erotic' again. Nowadays, the professor tells the story in good humour, even joking that investors would much prefer 'erotic bonds' over 'exotic bonds.'

Source: BI

Prospective intern misses an interview with investment bank, then asks them to vouch for her in order to get another job.

This Rice student decided she didn't want to go into investment banking the day before her interview with Jefferies and just didn't show up. Jefferies told Rice's career centre (CSPD), which may have gotten the student into trouble with her other prospective interviewers, judging by the long-winded e-mail she sent back to Jefferies that ended with:

Although I probably won't venture into the i-banking field anytime soon, there may come a time when I'd like to make use of the CSPD's on campus interview services -- maybe to land a nice teaching or government job. I'd really appreciate it if you would email them back for me to let them know that I have expressed to you my sincere remorse for the whole situation.


Source: Dealbreaker

My weakness is...

One prospective intern made sure to practice his answer to the ubiquitous 'What are your strengths and weaknesses' questions. His strength was a highly analytical mind. His weakness? 'Chronic back pain.'

Luckily, he got the internship.

Source: Mergers & Inquisitions

Interviewing with a guy that later got sued for sending porn to an intern.

An anonymous college student said when he went in for an interview with Guerriero Wealth Holdings, he had to network and speak with very young men (mid-20s), who asked him personal questions about who he voted for in 2008 and what his sexual preferences were.

Turns out the CEO of the company, Thomas Guerriero, was later sued by another intern for sending her porn and 'sexting.'

Source: BI

Actually, I can't explain this in any language...

One college student landed an interview for Goldman Sachs' Private Equity Group in Tokyo because of his Japanese language abilities.

In reality, he knew nothing about finance.

When the interviewer switched to Japanese and asked the prospective employee about finance, he reasoned that he didn't know those terms in Japanese. When they switched back to English, he still couldn't explain why a company would want to use debt over equity!

Source: Mergers & Inquisitions

This prospective Citi analyst attached an 11-page slideshow to her application.

The presentation detailed her 9 strengths, but was littered with grammar mistakes.

It got posted on Dealbreaker, 'nuff said.

Source: Dealbreaker

Once you get there, Wall Street does have some pretty sweet connections...

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