9 Things You MUST Know If You're Going To Be Investing These Days

happy chinese trader cropped

Are you up to the task of investing in this economy?

With rumours flying, craziness in Europe, everyone freaking out over China, and the U.S. economy confusing everyone, you need some serious skills to get by today.

We’ve compiled a list of everything you need to know to soar in these volatile markets. See if you’re up to the challenge.

You know Slovakian parliamentary procedure.

Only knowing Slovakian parliamentary procedure would help you get through that gruelling debate on the European Financial Stability Facility last week.

But not to worry, if you knew that Slovakia's PM Iveta Radicova would commit political suicide rather than see the EFSF fail (like we did) then you weren't surprised to see the plan approved later in the week.

You have to speak Chinese

Speaking Chinese was the only way you were on top of that surge in Sina Weibo stock.

But never fear -- you're a Chinese whiz and you were actually watching CCTV when the news that China might prop up the Chinese twitter surfaced.

So go ahead, pop the champagne.

Wenzhou, China has to be your hometown

Your Chinese is also helping you navigate this underground banking drama that's rapidly becoming a huge problem in China.

But if you know the main players then you know whose books are tidy -- and which CEO will run away next because he can no longer pay back his underground loans.

You have to be able to stay awake all night

To stay alive in these turbulent times for equities, an investor has to be trading with Asia and closing with the U.S. Not to mention trading Forex, gold, and futures on the side.

But you have the world's best caffeine concoction. Sleep is for wusses!

You have to have a PhD in accounting.

Because you have a PhD in economics, you weren't fooled by Citigroup's monster earnings beat. You knew that although credit value adjustments raised earnings per share to $1.23, without these changes EPS actually fell much more in line with expectations ($0.84 versus predictions of $0.82).

You pity the fool who can't interpret bank earnings.

You have to know the difference between the Ecofin and the Eurogroup.

You're a master at all those complicated European Union acronyms and abbreviations.

Of course, the Ecofin includes finance ministers from all 27 EU states and the Eurogroup is a colloquial term for the finance ministers of the 10 countries that use the euro. And you didn't freak out when an Ecofin meeting was cancelled -- who cares about them anyway?

You can also say EFSF five times fast.

You have to know the ins and outs of Greek politics.

Markets tanked when now outgoing Greek PM George Papandreou proposed a referendum on the terms of the latest bailout package. And then a week of craziness ensued.

But you didn't worry--you know everything about Greek politics and you saw days ahead of time that Papandreou would win the confidence vote, form a new unity government, and then resign.

You have to follow Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi on Facebook

Facebook seems to be Berlusconi's favourite way of dispelling resignation rumours.

Markets hate the man and boomed when recent rumours spread about his resignation, but you knew that those recent rumours were unfounded before everyone else. Pat yourself on the back--you deserve some bunga bunga.

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