It’s that time a year again when everyone is looking into their crystal balls and describing 2014.
Most of the humans making these predictions aren’t really clairvoyant although some of are pretty good at spotting trends and predicting their trajectories.
The truth is, that the most interesting things that will happen in 2014 will take us all by surprise (that’s what makes them interesting.)
With that in mind, we challenged the folks at big data startup Gainsight to give us their best 2014 predictions. Gainsight crunches through big data to help companies predict trends and keep customers happy.
The predictive wizards at Gainsight shrugged their shoulders, looked at the trends from 2013, and came up with this list.
None of them will happen, but it would be cool if some of them did.
- Uber will start a self-driving car service. Google and Uber join forces.
- Yahoo employees will work from home again. They’ll all buy iRobots instead of Teslas.
- Tech CEOs are required to wear weird shoes. Weird shoes become the hoodies of 2014.
- Grey-haired CEOs become cool again. We’ll write a long string of inspiring stories about tech CEOs becoming millionaires at age 80.
- The Super Bowl will contract to Salesforce.com’s Dreamforce conference organisers to create the half-time show. 90’s bands and more 90’s bands.
- A startup that replaces business cards with selfies turns down a $US3 billion cash offer from Facebook. Justin Bieber invests.
- Miley Cyrus and Sheryl Sandberg do a joint book deal about female entrepreneurship. Don’t hate them because they’re successful.
- Sharknado 3: Silicon Valley. Sci-Fi has a smash hit about a freak hurricane that fills the Facebook campus with sharks.
And, we hope it goes without saying but: just kidding.