- Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, licensed clinical social worker, mental strength coach, and international bestselling author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.”
- In the internet age, you can shop for almost anything online: groceries, vacations, cars, and even romantic relationships.
- While enlisting someone else to find your perfect match may seem like an effortless option, psychotherapist Morin cautions that paying a complete stranger to find you a partner probably won’t work out.
- Most successful couples meet through friends or acquaintances, as these people are already likely to know what kind of partner you would be compatible with.
- Offering money to someone in return for romance can also unearth ulterior motives and make dishonesty a potential issue.
- Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.
A Kansas City man recently made headlines for his $US25,000 offer to anyone who can find him a girlfriend. At the age of 47, Jeff Gebhart says he’s content being alone but is still looking for a special someone to share his life with.
Since online dating wasn’t working out well for him, he launched his own website vowing to give a successful matchmaker a cash reward – and he promises to donate an additional $US25,000 to a no-kill dog shelter
While Jeff gets kudos for his creativity, paying a stranger or service to find you a girlfriend might not be the best way to find a lifelong partner. Here’s why:
1. The best relationships are based on compatibility, chemistry, and commitment
One of the main reasons dating apps aren’t as successful as you might think is that users choose partners based on pictures and initial impressions formed by reading profiles. But initial impressions offer little information about how compatible two people will actually be.
Granted, if you’re not necessarily looking for a long-term commitment, paying to find a partner might work. Similar to dating apps, you’ll likely have a pool of potential mates to choose from based on a little online information and a picture. But dating apps cost a lot less and are just as likely to help you find someone looking for a short-term fling.
One big hurdle, however, is that offering a financial incentive to anyone who finds you a partner is likely to lead to a lot of interest. And while sorting through hundreds or thousands of potential mates might sound like a dream come true, making a decision could actually be quite stressful. You might struggle to commit to one person if it means excluding the rest of the dating pool.
2. Dishonesty is likely to be a big issue
Creating a website and paying someone to find you a partner runs the same risk as other online dating apps. When trying to attract a partner, you’re most likely going to show all your positive qualities. This is to be expected. After all, who wants to go on a date with someone who reveals they’re messy, irritable, and deeply in debt?
In addition to leaving out a few unflattering details, you might also be tempted to stretch the truth. According to research conducted by eHarmony, 53% of people lie on their online dating profiles. Women are more likely to make themselves look more attractive in photos, while men are more likely to lie about their jobs to appear more successful.
Asking people to submit potential partners to you in exchange for money might attract even more deception. Rather than say, “My friend is unemployed, lives with her parents, and has several restraining orders against her from past partners,” those nominating someone in hopes of getting a $US25,000 reward might be more motivated to say something like, “Once you meet her, you’ll never forget her.”
3. Most successful couples meet through friends
Meeting someone through an online matchmaker means you’re going to strike up the conversation with your potential suitor online. And online communication can easily give a false sense of intimacy.
Whether you send text messages or emails, you’re likely to “fill in the blanks” about that person. You might make assumptions about them based more on wishful thinking than reality, and your in-person meeting may not live up to those expectations.
Your best bet for finding a partner is through the network you already have in place. According to survey results reported by Bustle in 2018, 39% of couples meet through friends. That may not come as a surprise since your friends know you – the “real you.” They’re likely to understand what sort of person is likely to be compatible with you.
So if the people who know you well can’t find anyone they think is a good match for you, asking a complete stranger to find someone you’ll connect with is a tall order.
4. Money may lead to the wrong motivation
Reality dating shows have proven that many people can fake falling in love for the wrong reasons. Whether a musician is secretly seeking fame, or a bachelorette is hoping her TV debut will launch her career as a reality star, you can’t always tell who is genuine when there are additional perks earned by romance.
Who’s to say that someone won’t pretend to be interested in you just so they can split half of the $US25,000 with the friend who nominated them (a deal that might be privately hatched behind the scenes)?
Consider it an adventure, not a sure-fire way to meet “the one”
There’s always a chance that a creative endeavour could beat the matchmaking odds. But if you decide to pay someone to find you a partner, you may want to look at it as an adventure that might work out, rather than a strategy that is definitely going to find you a soul mate.
Business Insider Emails & Alerts
Site highlights each day to your inbox.