10 Pointless Luxury Hotel Perks

dog hotel bed

Photo: Flickr/Sarah_Ackerman

They want you to sleep with them. And they’ll do almost anything to make sure that you do. They are…hoteliers trying to win your business.It used to be that a hotel could secure travellers’ loyalty by providing the cornerstones of comfortable lodging: a great location, well-appointed rooms, dining and entertainment options, and doting service. But those days are long gone.

See the trends >
Today’s savvy 21st-century travellers routinely check out beach conditions via webcam, are accustomed to interiors decorated by celebrity designers, and expect concierges to be quicker than Google and more discerning than Yelp. Nabbing their allegiance is no easy feat.

 

As a result, hotels have been steadily upping the ante in trying to entice guests. Some pile on extra high-tech gadgetry to lure the geek-minded to their properties. Others rely on showy design elements (peekaboo bathrooms), luxury amenities (1,500-thread-count linens), retro appliances (record players with a selection of vinyl), customised services (on-call butlers), and personal touches (nightly poems left on your pillow) to woo you. Oh—and your little dog too: some hotels have started to offer weekends of “pet pampering.”

French designer Philippe Starck more or less started the boutique hotel boom when he fashioned New York City’s Royalton hotel in 1988. The midtown property drew jet-setters with its über-designed rooms and common spaces; its sleekly modern lobby—complete with a carpeted runway down the centre, flanked by seating areas—was one of the first to become a see-and-be-seen hot spot for locals.

Since then, hotels all over the world have made design a calling card, ushering in over-the-top interior trends as disparate as high-glam Hollywood Regency (seen at Viceroy hotels) and industrial modern (Ace is the place). But it’s no longer enough to create lobbies that, at W Hotels, simulate “living rooms.” Now hotels are competing with nightclubs, opening exclusive rooftop bars with bottle service and VIP swimming pools. Meanwhile, the rooms that guests retire to have become ever-plusher oases of tranquility, with robes and slippers to be worn in marble spa bathrooms, pillow menus, and bath butlers.

Now, we love imaginative indulgences as much as the next traveller, but some of these offerings are much more head-scratchers than head-turners. We’ve scoured hotel offerings and discovered some hip trends you might like and some that are pure hype.

Check out our slideshow before your next check-in.

This story was originally published by Departures.

Cabanas

At beach clubs throughout the world, cabanas provided a place to stay by the water but get out of the sun. You could relax in the shade, have a drink, and maybe play a game of gin rummy. Now these little canvas enclosures have been upgraded to mini nightclub VIP rooms that offer full bar and restaurant service day and night. Renting for premium prices, they even boast Wi-Fi and widescreen TVs--because really, why should you have to watch a $12 in-room movie in your room?

Underwater Speakers

Call us purists, but here's how we see it: pools are for swimming. Nightclubs are for dancing. Isn't it bad enough that most hotels have piped-in music that can't quite drown out the sound of kids splashing and screaming? Is anyone other than a synchronised swim team going to choose a hotel because it offers underwater surround-sound?

Super High Thread-Count Linens

Thread count, the biggest hype in the bedding industry, is like SPF: when you reach a certain number, you should be covered. In terms of weaving, the best bedsheets are made from single-ply yarns and max out at a count of 400 threads per square inch. Anything over that is probably made from two-ply yarns and is no more comfortable or luxurious--in fact, these high-thread-count sheets are likely made from inferior fibres that feel heavier. If you want real luxury, choose a hotel that makes its beds with freshly ironed linens that are actually made from linen.

Pillow Menus

Good hotels have always provided high-quality down pillows for guests and alternatives for those who are allergic. It's a simple choice, really: feathers or foam. Unless, that is, you're staying at a hotel with a pillow menu. Because for some, sweet dreams are made only from a customised selection of Tempur-Pedic pillows, neck rolls, body huggers, and buckwheat-and-lavender-filled cushions.

Turndown Poetry

Faux Butlers And Specialty Concierges

We can't all be born with titles, but hotels have taken a page out of the royal playbook with the introduction of butlers to their staffs. While their job descriptions include the basics, however--drawing you a warm bath and laying out your clothes--some hotels now employ super-specialised staffers.

For example, there are e-butlers who help the hapless get online; BBQ butlers who grill your dinner; boot butlers to refresh your ski boots after a day on the slopes; and a sunglasses butler to clean and repair your eyewear. What's next? Our guess is an SPF butler to apply sunscreen to your nose.

Peekaboo Bathrooms

In an attempt to make guest room baths more like luxury spas, hoteliers have been adding separate water closets, soaking tubs, and glass showers--all of which we appreciate. But then some began turning the idea of bathing into a floor show--by putting tubs in the middle of guest rooms and adding glass walls that let roommates watch while you shower. There's no question that these facilities can facilitate intimacy between consenting adults…but what if you're sharing a room with a work colleague?

Aromatherapy And Chromatherapy

While everyone loves a room that smells clean and fresh--we'd never say no to a spritz of lavender on the bed linens--some hotels have begun pumping custom fragrances through the heating and air-conditioning system. Others have embraced the option of chromatherapy--mood-enhancing coloured lighting. While kids and people who like to drink champagne in the bath probably love it, the idea of being rejuvenated by bathing in purple light doesn't quite hold water.

Pet Pampering

See The Rest At Travel + Leisure

NOW WATCH: Executive Life videos

Business Insider Emails & Alerts

Site highlights each day to your inbox.

Follow Business Insider Australia on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.